North Star
by Battlecry4ever
Summary: Take place after Edward left Bella in NM. Bella found Charlies old guitar while cleaning out the basement. A month later, Jake has made Bella participate in an open mic night in Port Angeles. What will happen? R&R Disclaim: I'm not Stephenie Meyer!
1. Chapter 1

Take place after Edward left Bella in New Moon, some months later.

Song: Monday Morning by Maria Mena

_**Chapter 1: Monday Morning**_

"Breath," I told myself. "It´ll be fine, you can do this!"

I could hear the crowd out there, screaming at the unfortunate (and untalented) male singer that had introduced himself as Jimmy Bold. I felt sorry for him, but I was more concerned that I would meet the same faith when I was going to enter the stage.

"Oh Bella, this was really stupid of you, REALLY stupid. You should just turn around and walk away and forget all this. You´re not an entertainer, you´re a broken..."

"OK people, let´s all hope that the next performer is a little more... after you´re taste," the announcer said in a deep voice. The crowed laughed and cheered. Shit, too late. Why had I joined this open mic-night-contest? I had found my dads old guitar while cleaning out the basement, and now, a month later, I thought I had what it took to go on stage and preform a song that I had written myself? Could someone PLEAS kill me now. Or kill Jacob, he was the one that had made me play the stupid thing in the first place.

"So, let´s all give a warm welcoming to our last contestant, Isabella Swan!" The crowed cheered. No, I couldn´t do this, I was going to make a complete fool of myself! But I didn´t get any chance to run away, because right then someone pushed me firmly on to the stage, and the blue stagelight, blinded me instantaneously. I almost dropped my guitar, but I somehow managed to stumble over to the bar chair standing in the middle of the stage. I heard someone laugh when I hit the microphone rack with my foot trying to sit down on it, and I blushed like a teenager that had been kissed for the first time. A man working backstage calmly lifted the microphone back to it´s right position

"Thank you," I whispered to him, put the mic was now turned on, and I jolted in surprise when I heard my own voice echoing from the monitors. More people laughed, and I could feel myself blushing even more and starting to shiver. The man that had helped me, put a hand on my shoulder and put his head next to mine, his face away from the waiting audience. "You´ll do just fine. I heard you warming up before, and they´ll love you." The man withdrew his head, and I looked into the kind, brown eyes of a man in his early 40´s. His words calmed me, and when he smiled at me, I smiled back. Then he walked away, and I was alone. I was still scared, but I wasn´t shivering anymore.

"Ok people, emm... I´m Bella, and I really don´t know if I´m any good at this," people laughed, but this time, it was a cinder laughter. "But I´ll let you decide that. I wrote this song myself, and it´s called Monday Morning.

The room went quiet in anticipation as I readjusted my guitar. I had to do this, to get _him _out of my system. So I took a deep breath, and hit the first chord. I had to smile. I really loved this guitar. I liked my lips and sung.

_Monday morning came too soon_

_It's entering my forgotten room_

_Disguised as the morning sun_

_and I should be on the run_

_But I'm here_

_Waiting for you_

_To come and rescue me_

_From this awful blue_

_Looks like another day_

_In another way_

_Through another place_

_Too many lonely days_

_I'm not here for sure_

_Just here for more_

_You wont walk through that door_

_Cause you said you didn't need me anymore_

_Anymore, Anymore_

_Monday morning..._

As I sang, all the feelings I had felt while writing this song, resurfaced. How I had been falling apart for months after _he_ left me. The confusion, the sadness, how indescribably awful it had been to waking up monday morning, knowing that _he _would never walk into my bedroom anymore. I pored my heart out on the stage, singing with all of my being.

Then, the song ended, and there was silence. I closed my eyes, waiting for the giant hole in my chest to reaper, but it didn´t. My heart didn´t feel like it was healed, but on the mend, and for the first time since _he_ had left me months ago, I felt hope. A hope that maybe I could be put back together again.

Suddenly, I heard someone clapping. And then another one, and another. I had all but forgotten the people watching and listening, but now I got hyper aware of them as they all stood up and clapped like it was a baseball mach, and I had just hit a home run. Someone were wolf-whistling, and I was pretty sure that was Jacob. They liked me. They liked my song! Oh. My. GOD!

"Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner for the open-mic-night competition!" said the announcer as he walked onto the stage, his blond hair shining blue and his white teeth sparkling. He stopped beside me, and but a hand on my shoulder. "You, Ms Swan, is one of the most talented amateurs the jury have ever seen on this stage, and I think it is safe to say that the crowd will agree with them, and me, on that?" The announcer looked with mock-questing look at the audience, that all started to clap again. What, wait, did this mean that I´d won? No, that coulnd´t be, this had never been about winning, it was just about me letting go. "Getting this out so you can start living again," as Jake had said when he made me sign on to do this.

I was in shock. The announcer shoved some flowers in my my hands and a pice of paper that I didn´t clearly comprehend what was. Three people whom I didn´t know shook my hand and said that I had done a great job. Then the nice man that had helped me earlier had the sense too take my hand and firmly guided me backstage.

He sat me down on a chair, and got me a bottle of water. I noticed that his hands were almost as dark as his shirt when he handed me the bottle, and he had to snap his fingers in front of my face to make me get out of the trace-like state I was in.

"T-thank you," I mumbled as I took the bottle. My mouth felt so dry that I downed the whole thing right away. The nice man sat down opposite me, and laughed. "You didn´t expect that, did you?" he asked in a warm, friendly tone. I shook my head. "Not at all," I muttered. "Honestly, I thought I would make a complete fool of myself. I´m not sure it this is any better though..."

The man shook his head in disbelief. "Ms. Swan, you were amazing out there. You have something that every musician need to be in possession of in order to succeed. You´re maybe not the best singer or the best guitar player. But you got something more, something that is even more important than being the best musician."

I looked at the man, his eyes were shining with the intensity of what he was trying to explain to me. "He has to be mental or something," was the only thing that ran through my mind. What was it that I had that was so special. I was nothing special. _He _had told me that, and I believed _him_.

Like he had heard my thoughts, he said: " You got something I like to call soul. You don´t preform the music, you are the music." Yup, clearly mental.

Right then, the door to the back alley burst open with a bang, and a huge boy with dark skin and a huge grin on his face, ran up to me and lifted me up into the air in a tight hug.

"You won Bella, you won! I told you, I TOLD YOU, you´re amazing!" Jake hugged me so tightly that it was hard to even talk. Man, that boy was strong.

"Jake. Need. Air."

"Oh, sorry Bells," my best friend said without sounding sorry at all. "We have to go celebrate!"he said without missing a beat. "Drinks on me!"

I frowned. "But Jake, you´re not old enough..."

"Come on Bella," Jake whined. "You won a HUNDRED dollars in cash, let your hair out for just one night!" Oh so that was what the pice of paper was. I opened the pice of paper, aka. an envelop, and sure enough. 100 dollars in cash.

Jake was right. I had to let loose a little. I was slowly creating a new me, and I was starting to like her. What could be so wrong with "letting my hair down" as Jake had put it.

"Ok Jake, I´m in," I smiled.

Jake threw a fist in the air and said that he was just going to get his jacket, and he left me, promising to meet me outside in ten.

"He seems like a nice fellow."

I had forgotten the nice man sitting not far away.

"Ehm, yes, he is my best friend," I said as I started to put my guitar away and gather my stuff.

The man got something out of his chest pocked, and gave it to me. I stopped and looked at the little business card:

_North Star Records_

_Owen North_

_Producer_

"Oh Mr. North, I´m not looking for..." the man, Mr. North interrupted me by putting both his hands in front of him, palms facing me.

"That´s OK, my dear. Just thought I´d give you my card. My phone number is on the back. My studio is located in Seattle, near Union Bay. Give me a call if you change your mind. I´d love to work with you any time," me smiled. I wondered if he ever stopped smiling. I hoped not; he had such a calming smile. I studied the card, feeling a little tempted. But I was no artist, this was a one night-thing. Even so, I put the card in the back pocket of my jeans.

"Sure sure," I said. I grabbed my guitar and my handbag. "And thanks again, for everything." Mr. North nodded, and I walked out the back door where Jake waited excitedly.

"To Port Angeles finest bar!" he laughed. I was going to be so sorry the next morning.

A.N

Sooo, what do you think? As you might have guessed, English is not my native language, so please, if someone want´s to be my beta reader for this story, I would be very happy.

Tell me what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2: Mistake **_

The first thing I noticed when I woke up, was that I had a killer headache One thing was sure, I was NEVER going to drink again. But it had been nice to be drunk though. To not have to think about anything, not thinking about_ him_ or any of them. Stupid unreliable vampires. I prepared myself for the pain I would feel because of this statement, but it didn`t come. Maybe the pain in my head drowned out everything else? Hm...

Then, something stirred in the bed beside me, and I instantly noticed three more things:

One, I was not alone in my bed.

Two, this wasn`t my bed at all

And three, I was naked.

"Oh my lord, oh, oh, not good, not good. Think Bella, what did you do last night?" I whispered to myself. I had been at that open mic night contest in Port Angeles,and I had won (still not believing that), then Jake and I had went to a bar for some drinks...

Oh no, pleas no, not Jake. The line between us were blurred enough as it was, I didn`t need THIS to add on all the mixed signals I always gave him. Shit, SHIT! Not good, not good at all!

I opened my eyes just a tiny bitt, and then closed them quickly. I felt tears starting to run down my checks as my broken heart dropped to my stomach. Beside me lay a very beautiful and very naked Jacob Black. His face looked so peaceful, like he was happy in his sleep.

I had lost my virginity by drunk, and with Jacob Black. I was so disappointed in myself. It felt like someone had ripped out my stomach, and all that was left was a big, gaping hole. How many holes could my body take? I cried even harder into the pillow I was lying on so I wouldn´t wake him up. I couldn´t bring myself to look at him, even less talk to him.

Whit tears still falling silently, I gently rolled out of the bed. My whole body felt sore, but I didn`t so much as wimpier, I deserved the pain. My clothes lay everywhere, so i picked them up as silently as I could, got dressed, put my hair in a bun, got my handbag and guitar and tip-toed out of the room that I by now had guessed to me a cheep motel room. I didn`t look at Jake once, I couldn`t.

I didn`t break down, I even stopped crying as I used some of my 100 dollars to pay the motel bill. The old woman in the reception didn`t even bother to look at me, she just took the money and turned her back on me. I walked out into the parking lot and let the surprisingly shining sun dry my tearstained face. I spotted Jakes volkswagen across the lot.

It started to dawn on me what I had to do next.

I couldn`t stay here, not in Port Angeles and not in Forks. I would never be able to see Charlie, or let alone Jake, in the face again, I was so ashamed of myself. Why did I have to be such a mean person! I didn`t love Jake, and now, he was going to be hurt. I had to leave now. If I stayed any longer, it would only hurt him more. But where to go? Where to go...

Just then, I felt something poking at my butt from my back pocket. I slipped my hand into the pocket and found the card Mr. North had given me the previous Night. "_I you change your mind_," he had said. I closed my eyes and made my destination. This was the only way, the only place i could go without hurting anyone more than I already had done.

I sighed as I fished out a notebook and a pen from my handbag. I had to explain things to Jake, I couldn´t just leave him without a word. So I wrote:

_Dear Jake_

_I will always treasure the naivety of the past we shared. You are my best friend in the whole world, and I love you.  
But we were never meant to be lovers.  
I´m so sorry for the pain I most have caused you, but by staying around you saved my life, and I´m grateful for that.  
I hope you understand that I have to leave you, I´m not good for you._

_I´m sorry._

_Bella. _

It pained me to write this letter. I wondered briefly if it had hurt _him_ to tell me the things _he_ had told me when _he_ broke up with me. But I didn´t think so, _he_ didn´t love me anymore. I still loved Jake. Just not the way he wanted me to love him. I felt my eyes start to fill with tears again. So I quickly ripped the page out of my notebook and stuffed it through a crack in the passenger seat window.

"By Jacke, I´m so Sorry," I whispered to the wind, regretting so much the past nights event. I had lost my best friend. I had lost everything. Now all I had, was Owen North in Seattle.

Before I could break down completely, I turned away from Jakes car, from the cheep motel and from one of the biggest mistakes in my life, and walked away as fast as I could.

A cab was parked not far away, and I asked the driver if he could take me to Seattle. He wasn´t happy about it, but he grunted a "Sure" and I was off. I knew it was a two and a half hour drive, so I dug out my cellphone from my jacket pocket to make some calls. It was eight in the morning, so Charlie would be up, and worried as hell. I sighed. What was I going to tell him? I decided on a half-lie. I took a deep breath, and hit the number to dads cell. He picked up immediately.

"Bells! I´ve been so worried about you, where the HELL have you been." Yup, he was mad.

"Calm down dad, I´m fine. It just got a little late last night and Jake and I... I just spent the night here," I almost cracked up when I said Jakes name, but I managed to keep it cool.

"You could have called you know," he muttered, but he wasn´t that angry anymore.

"I know dad, but I´m 18 now, remember? Legally adult and all that jazz. I can take care for myself," I reminded him half heartedly, knowing that I somehow had to tell him that I was not coming home again.

"So anyway Bells, how did things go last night?"

A plan formed in my head, and I put it into action before I could talk myself out of it.

"Really good actually. I kind of ...won." Then, I took a good long gulp of air and proceeded in top speed. "And a right afterwards I meet a nice producer from Seattle who wanted me to sign a contract with his record label, so now I´m on my way there to start my career as an musician" I knew that most of it was a lie, I wasn´t even sure if Mr. North even really wanted me, or if he just gave his card to everyone he met that could sing. And I wasn´t nearly god enough to make a career out of it. But I had to tell Charlie something.

I heard Charlie hiss in surprise, and his anger raising again.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you get back here right now young lady! You don´t know anything about this producer, you have school tomorrow and you are NOT trowing your life away on some uncertain music career," he yelled, and I closed my eyes to keep the tears away.

"I´m sorry dad, but this is MY choice. Please, don´t be angry, please. I love you, but I got to do this. Music, it is something that... I don´t know, but after not listening to music for months... I have found a way to heal dad. I need this to heal. Please," I begged, desperately trying to make him believe my lie. But as I said it, I understood that it wasn´t a lie. I needed the music. The feeling I had last night while on stage, it was the best thing that had happened to me since _he _left.

Charlie wen´t quiet for a while. Then he sighted.

"Ok hun. I don´t like it, but I understand that you have been going through a lot the las cupel of months. If you think this is what you need..."

"It is dad."

"Well, then I guess you got to do what you got to do. Just... Be careful, OK?"

It felt like ten pounds had been lifted of my shoulders. I still felt bad about lying to him, but he would be fine now.

"I will dad, thank you for understanding. I´ll call you every day, and I´ll come home soon," I promised. "Bye dad."

"Bye Bells, love you."

CLICK.

Then, there was the next call.

I dialed the unfamiliar number and waited. I hoped it wasn´t too early in the morning. Finally, someone picked up.

"Mello," mumbled a sleepy, manly voice.

"Mr. North, I´m so sorry for calling you this early, but I needed to talk to you. It´s Isabella Swan from the open-mic-night-competition..."

Wow, I didn´t think I´d have this finished so quickly. But here it is, chapter 2. Again, I am sorry for any spelling or other kinds of mistakes, still looking for that beta reader...

Tell me what you think =)


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3: Dear...**_

Well, Mr. North had taken it well, considering I called him so early. He had given me the address to his record label, North Star Records, which I had given the driver at once. The two phone calls had only killed ten minutes of my two and a half hour drive, and I hadn´t brought any books with me. But I had a tingling feeling in my hands, like I couldn´t keep them still. So I got out my notebook and pen again and paused, the pen inches from the paper. What was I going to write?

Then it hit me. I wanted to write to Jake. The short letter I had written about 15 minutes ago didn´t seam to cover everything I had wanted to tell him. It didn´t show much I hated to hurt him, how he was the main reason I could consider myself human again.

So I started to write another letter. But as I wrote it, a melody begun playing in my head. The lines became the verses and the chorus of a song. I cried silently as I wrote, and sometimes I would make an angry noise when the words came out all wrong and I furiously crossed them out. When I was finally satisfied with the text, I had killed yet another hour.

I leaned forward and cleared my throat.

"Excuse me sir, but would it be OK with you if played a bitt on my guitar?" I asked the driver in the sweetest voice I could manage. The driver, that probably thought I was a nutcase anyway, just took a brief glance at me through the rear-view mirror, and shrugged. I gave him an unconvincing smile, and unpacked Charlies guitar from the battered guitar-case that lay in the seat next to me. I don´t know all the different chords yet, but it was enough to harmonize to the melody in my head.

Suddenly, some thing clicked, and the song was finished. I looked up, and the driver was looking at me intensely. He looked like he was thinking very hard on something.

"Are you famous or something?" The question came out of the blue, and it took a couple of seconds before I could answer.

"N- no, I´m sorry, you must have me mixed up with someone else," I stammered, feeling my face getting hot.

"Oh, sorry."

I continued playing the guitar absentmindedly while the sun arose in the sky. Things felt better now that I had gotten it all down on paper. It still hurt somewhere inside my chest, but just like when I had sung on the stage last night, I felt like I was slowly mending again.

"Excuse me, I don´t mean to be impertinent, but did you just write a song?"

I looked up at the driver, unsure, and nodded.

He hesitated. "Would it be too much to ask to hear it? It sounded... Nice."

My first impulse was to say no, in a very polite manner of course. But then I thought; "Oh well, I have to get used to it anyway."

"Sure," I smiled, and but my notebook on my lap and started to sing:

_I'll always treasure the naivety _

_Of the past we've shared _

_Our bodies grew much faster than our minds _

_But together we got good at stopping time_

_My teen angst drove me to hurt myself _

_And I made you watch _

_Oh the pain I must have caused _

_But by staying around you saved my life_

_We were never meant to be lovers _

_Just fellow late bloomers _

_Who blossomed the part_

_My painful past _

_made me look for something destructive _

_And there you were _

_With all the characteristics of my love_

_Familiarity of home_

_The emotional gap led to wrong assumptions _

_I didn´t return your love_

_I'm glad we left things when we did _

_I doubt I'd survive another bloody moan_

_We were never meant to be lovers _

_We just mirrored each other's self destructiveness _

_The spotlight burned in the room when we were together _

_And we played our parts _

_And I wore an imaginary TV screen _

_So you never got to touch my heart_

_We were never meant to be lovers _

_Our egos fed of each other _

_And died overweight_

_I thought I'd seen it all when u first walked in _

_But you shut me up _

_And challenged every wrong perception I've had of myself _

_And you haven't ever stopped_

I took a deep breath. That was everything I wanted to say to Jake, and I really hoped that someday, he would here it and know it was dedicated to him.

When I looked at the driver again, I was terrified to see that he had tears in his eyes. Was it that bad? Or that good.

"Sir, are you OK?" I asked, scared of his response.

The man nodded, and cleared his throat.

"It was beautiful, thank you," he whispered silently.

The rest of the trip was spent in silence, and in no time, I could spot Seattle in the distance, now glowing in the sunlight. Twenty minutes later, we took a left hand turn, and there, on the right side of the street, between a hair dresser and a book shop (book shop, yey!), there was a big, blue sign above a glass door saying:

_North Star Records_

_Owen North_

The sign was simple, with an actual star instead of the A in "star". I instantly loved it. The street looked nice, with red brick buildings at both sides. On the left side of the street, there was actually a little coffee shop, appropriately named The Little Coffee Shop, with apartments on both sides of the shop.

"Here we are miss," the driver said and for the first time, he rally smiled at me. I dug into my bag to get the cash out of the envelope, but the driver shook his head.

"Just sign this," he said and handed me peace of paper. "I can cell it later when you are famous or something." I was surprised, but gladly signed the paper and gave it to him. I got out of the cab and waved to the the nice cab driver as he drove away. Then I walked up to the glass door and paused.

"Oh well, here goes nothing."

Then I opened the door.

"Mr. North?"

AN: Ta-da, a new chapter. Next one coming up soon. Song: Maria Mena, Dear...

Sorry for my bad spelling! Review pleas.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4: North Star Records**_

The first thing I noticed when I walked into North Star Records, was that it felt like a nice, calming place. It seemed deserted, so I walked into the front desk aria, to take a look around. On the left side, there was a sitting aria with five comfortable, dark brown leather chairs around a white table with a beautiful, white lilly in the middle, the was imbedded into the table. On the right side there was an abandoned, chest high, white front desk with another lilly imbedded into it.

The whole room was formed as an hexagon. On the wall opposite where I had entered, there was an silver elevator, and the rest rooms were places at each side of the elevator (one for the ladies and one for the men) on the walls on each side of the elevator-wall. On the other side of the same walls, there were two doors, both blue with white signs saying:

_Offices/ Record Studios_

Everything was white, brown or blue. It was so calming and friendly. On the walls were large black-and-white photos of musicians playing different instruments or singing. I couldn´t believe that I was might going to be a part of this.

"Excuse me miss, can I help you?"

The soft, male voice gave me such a fright that I dropped my guitar, and it hit the floor with a loud bang. Forgetting that I had no coordination what so ever, I tried catch it. I twisted, and managed to loose my balance and fell down on all four. I felt my face reddening, and it didn´t help that I heard the unknown man laughing hard. I quickly got to my feet, and slowly turned around to face the man.

He was tall. No taller than Jake, but about the same size as _him_. I flinched internally at the thought, but kept looking at the man. His skin had a healthy, brown glow to it, and his face was sharp, but somehow still soft. He had brilliantly blue eyes that seemed to sparkle as he laughed. His hair was short, blond and messy, like he just rolled out of bed, and he looked about 25 years old. He wore blue, faded jeans, a grey t-shirt and a black leather jacket.

But the thing that held my attention, was his smile. Oh, how pure and careless it seemed, that smile on his face. Like his heart had never been broken like mine had. I felt a little, bitter sting in my heart, because I could never smile like that again. How I envied him, in a way.

I pulled myself together and looked right into his eyes.

"I´m looking for Mr. North, I have an appointment whit him now," I said, trying to sound professional and cool.

The man looked curiously at me.

"Oh, you´re the girl Mr. N was talking about, aren´t you? The girl from the bar," he said, looking me up and down. I felt very uncomfortable under his stare, even more so as I could guess what he was thinking right now: "She was awfully normal, nothing special about here."

He shook his head a little, then reached out his hand.

"I´m so sorry, were are my manners. My name is Christopher Blakely, producer," he said in a light tone, and I shook his warm hand.

"Isabella Swan, hopeful musician," replied and smiled back. I was not sure if I liked Christopher Blakely, but I was determent not to get on anyones bad side before I´d even started working at North Star Records.

"So Chris, you have meet Ms. Swan already." Mr. North came out from the left office/ studio door, and smiled at me. I quickly let go of Christopher´s hand and turned to look at Mr. North.

He looked the same as he had done the previous night, the same, mild expression on his face, and dressed all in black.

This time it was my turn to reach out my hand.

"Mr. North, thank you so much for seeing me right away," I said earnestly as I shook his big hand.

"Not at all Ms. Swan, not at all." He gestured to the leather chairs "Sit, sit!" Grateful I dumped down in the nearest chair, suddenly feeling tired. It couldn´t be more than 11.30 a.m, but I still felt like taking a nap or something. How could I be so tired? Then I remembered what I had done last night to cause me to be so tired, and instantly felt sick.

"So Ms. Swan..." Mr. North begun, but I interrupted him

"Please, call me Bella," I said, getting that part out of the way. To mu surprise, had Christopher joined us, taking the chair opposite me and next to Mr. North, who was smiling at me.

"Ok, Bella then. I can´t tell you how glad I am that you chanced your mind. I did have a feeling that I would see you again when I you left last night, but I have to admit, I had no idea that our separation would be so short." There was a hidden question somewhere in the last sentence, but I

wasn´t going to tell him why I had suddenly changed my mind. I figured I had to offer him some kind of explanation, so I settled for a shortening of the truth.

"I just woke up this morning and figured that there were no other place I could go, than to Seattle," I said, but I felt that it wasn´t enough, so I added: "And I really loved to preform last night." I hoped I sounded like it was no big deal, but in my peripheral vision I could see a crease between Christophers eyebrows. He didn´t believe me.

"No mather, Bella, I´m just glad you came." He leaned back in his chair. "You see, Chriss and I just reopened this record studio. It originally belonged to my grandfather, Mr. Jimmy North, but my father didn´t care much for music, so when my grandfather died, my dad shut down the label, but he didn´t have the heart to cell it either. So it just stood here, gathering dust."

This was really interesting, and I leaned absentmindedly forward, wondering how Mr. North had gotten this label.

Mr. North continued.

"I think that the music just skipped a generation. I loved to play the piano growing up, and I didn´t do anything else than listen to music. I was only ten years old when I decided to become a producer. I loved to work with other peoples music, and about ten years later, I got an internship at a great record label in New York."

Mr. North shook his head.

"I spent four years there, learning from the best there was, and I really loved it. Until I actually started to work with the musicians. Through 15 years I worked at different record labels, trying to find a label that wasn´t about making money, but spotting real talent, shape them and help them becoming a star. I saw so many good musicians loosing there way, trying to make music for others rather then for them selves."

A smile crept up on Mr. North´s smile, and he shot a side glance at Christopher.

"And then, about a year ago, I got talking whit this young fellow." He gestured to Christopher, who gave him a fleeting smile. "He was an intern at the record label I was working at, at the time at least. We figured out that we both really hated our jobs, and Chriss said that he wished I owned his own record label. And then remembered this dump, and here we are, a year later. Chriss had a lot of money, and he put it all into renovating this place, so this can be the record label _we_ want it to be."

I was mesmerized by his story. This place really did have heart. It was made with devotion, and to peoples vision for their label. It sounded like a label for me. Not that I had a vast experience with record labels, but I felt confidante that this had to a place where I could be me, just Bella, and make music my way.

"It´s a beautiful story Mr. North. I really think that I could work here..." I hesitated. "That is if you want me of course. I mean, I´m sure you have a lot of musicians knocking on your door every day wanting to sign a contract with you, I mean..." Then I shut up, feeling like I was rambling.

Christopher laughed a short laughter.

"You see, that´s it. We like to be an anonymous label, because then_ we _find the real talents and ask them to come to us, like we did with you. The only one that has signed anything with us yet, is your band." Christopher said. I gasped

"You have already gotten me a band? But how did you do that in such short notice?" I was astonished.

"Well, truth to be told, we found this really cool band called _the Mad Cows _a month back, but we didn´t like the lead singer. Figures out the band didn´t like the lead singer either, so they split up, and the rest of the band signed with us. We have been on the look for a new lead singer, and now it seems we have found one," Christopher smiled, resting his hands behind his head, looking really pleased with himself.

I rinkeled my nose. "_The Mad Cows_. Please tell me we don´t have to keep that name?" I said in disgust, that was a really weird name for a band.

Both men laughed at me, and I felt my face reddening, again. What? It was an hones question.

"No Bella, you´ll have to figure out a new name for your band. I agree, it is a TERRIBLE name for a band," Mr. North said, while taking something out from his pocket. A peace of paper. He handed it to me, and I immediately identified it as a record contract.

"Don´t sign it today. Read through it, give it some thought, then if you decide to sign it, deliver it to me first thing tomorrow," Mr. North said, and I nodded. I was going to sign it anyway, no matter what the contract said, this was what I wanted. "I´d have to get myself a motel room tonight," I thought, and the thought made me flinch again.

Christopher looked intensely at me for several minutes as I read the contract, like he was trying to figure something out. I didn´t see that he was looking, it was more that I felt it. Then he suddenly spoke again.

"Have you ever recorded something before in a real record studio?" he asked, his eyes shining at some thought in his head. I shook my head, putting the contract into my handbag. It would be way to typical of me to loose it.

"Do you want to have a go at it now?" he asked curiously. I felt my own curiosity creeping up on me.

"Sure, I would love to," I smiled.

Mr. North stood up, clapping his hands together.

"Excellent. Follow me Bella," he said playfully, offering me his hand like an old fashion prince.

What kind of adventure was this going to become? The beginning of a fairytale? Or just a noter step upwards that was going to make my downfall that much harder. I didn´t know. The only thing I knew, was that there was no "happily ever after" for me, that ship was long gone.

* * *

I hope you all liked this chapter. I´m at home withe the swine flue now, so lot of time for writing.

Review please =)


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5: Free Falling**_

It was a weird feeling, being in a small, box-like room. I was standing in the middle, facing a glass window in one of the walls, giant head phones in my head, a microphone hanging from the sealing in front of me and the text to _Free Falling_ in my hands.

Of all the songs in the whole world, why did they have to pick a song with vampires in it! I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself. We had chanced some of the lyrics to fit a girl singing, and I had do concentrate on the text. Stupid, always everywhere vampire.

"Ok Bells, you can do it," I muttered to myself.

On the other side of the window, Mr. North and Christopher sat behind a massive sound mixing table. They were making the final adjustments, and I could feel myself getting more and more nervous by the second. The band had recorded this song a week ago, and now it was my turn. I felt like a test, would I pas?

"Ok, are you ready Bella?" Christopher said into a microphone on his side of the window, his voice sounding a little twisted inside my head phones. I looked up, and nodded. The music started, and the sound was amazing. I counted the beat in side my head, then started to sing:

_He´s a good boy, loves his dad a_

_Loves jesus and america too_

_He´s a good boy, crazy bout living_

_Loves football, and his girlfriend too._

_Its a long day living in Reseda_

_There´s a freeway running through the yard_

_And Im a bad girl cause I don´t even miss him_

_Im a bad girl for breaking his heart._

_And Im free, free falling_

_Yeah Im free, free falling_

_All the vampires walking through the valley_

_Move west down Ventura boulevard_

_And all the bad girls are standing in the shadows_

_All the good boys are home with broken hearts_

_And Im free, free falling_

_Yeah Im free, free falling_

_Free falling, now Im free falling, now I´m_

_Free falling, now Im free falling, now I´m_

_I wanna glide down over Mulholland_

_I wanna write her name in the sky_

_Gonna free fall out into nothing_

_Gonna leave this world for a while_

_And Im free, free falling_

_Yeah Im free, free fallin_g

The music ended, and I felt the adrenalin pumping through my body, making me feel alive again. I didn´t know how the whole song went, so some places in the song, I had just improvised. I hoped that Mr. North and Christopher didn´t mind...

Oh my god. I felt myself blush furiously. I had completely forgotten that someone was watching me. I had just lived in the music! I looked up, and I could see Mr. North smiling like a child on his birthday, and Christopher shaking his head. He looked up at me and made a motion for me get into the soundbooth.

"So, how was I?" I asked shyly as I opened the door to the soundbooth.

"Listen and judge for yourself," Christopher said and hit a button.

I was socked. The voice flowing from the speakers, was so soft and full of emotions. It was a low voice, with a "hoarse" sound to it, and it was beautiful. And it was my voice. Something about me was beautiful. I couldn´t help it, I started to cry. It was Jake that had led me to this, to show me that I _was_ beautiful, and I had hurt him and left him. I didn´t deserve this.

"What´s wrong Bella?" Mr. North asked, looking worried. I just shook my head, listening as my voice wove into the band, making the song complete.

Then, the song ended, and there was silence. I felt to sets of eyes on me.

"I never thought I could be good at anything. I never..." My voice broke and shook my head again, unable to continue. Mr. North got up from his chair, walked over to me and lead me to it so I could sit down.

"Bella, that´s the most wonderful thing about you. You are extremely talented, but that´s not why you wrote that song you sung last night, or why you sung this song in a way I have never heard it before. You do it because you need music. I may be old, but I´m not stupid. You have been hurt really bad in the past, and music is your way to heal."

He lifted his hand and brushed away a tear from my cheek.

"You are beautiful in so many ways Bella, and even more so because you think you´re not. You have an amazing talent, your voice contains that little something. And, you have heart in your music."

Mr. North put his hand on my shoulder, and his black eyes looked straight into mine.

"And that, Bella, _that _is what Chriss and I want. People that love and need music. Never loose that Bella, never. If you decide to stay with us, we will help you keep that part of your music."

I felt a warmth spreading through my body, just like the adrenalin had done a moment ago. I smiled at him, and dried away the last of my tears with the back of my hand. He understood me. More so than I even understood myself right now. Me was right, I needed music to heal. And I really loved it, the feeling I got when the music took control of me and I felt like I could do anything.

"Thank you," I whispered, and seeing Christopher´s worried face, quickly added: "Sorry, I didn´t mean to go all weepy on you. I usually have a better grip on myself. It has just been... a lot this last months." Mr. North grinned at me.

"No worries Bella. You did an phenomenal job in there," he said, looking at Christopher. "Wouldn´t you agree Chriss?" Christopher shook his head, like a dog thad had gotten water in it´s face. It looked like he had been in some kind of trance.

"You are just perfect!" he blurted out, then he looked a bit shocked at his own outburst. Mr. North laughed out loud, as both Christopher and I blushed.

"That´s what I like about you Chriss, you know how to say things, and you always think before you speak," Mr. North said and smacked Chriss playfully at the back of his head.

"I´m sorry, that was a little bit, spontaneous," Christopher muttered. Then he raised his voice a bit. "But never the less thru, ow, that hurt! That was unnecessary Mr. N" He rubbed the back of his head with one hand, and then looked at me with a little smile. He had one dimple on his right cheek.

"So now that we all understand that you are a brilliant musician, no one is crying and Mr. N is finished abusing his employees in front of potential future employees..." Christopher leaned closer to me. "Did you like it? Recording I mean."

I laughed at him and gave him a thumbs up. "Funniest thing I´v ever done, excepts singing on stage last night." I said, trying not to think of the mythical creatures that had at different points made my life much better. But they were gone, I had to live in the future now, not the past. I wasn´t going to get any of that back, so singing would be the best thing I could hope for.

"Excellent!" Christopher smiled and punched his fist in the air above his head. "Because you will spend a lot of time in this record studio, believe me!"

"Chriss," Mr. North protested. "She hasn´t even signed it yet!"

I coughed, and they both looked at me.

"Actually..." I said, taking the signed contract out of my handbag, and handed it to Mr. North. "I kind of signed it when I went to the ladies room." I smiled sheepishly as Mr. North shook his head in disbelief and Christopher howled with laughter.

"I have to give it to you Mr. N, you know how to pick ´em," Christopher said and dried away some tears that was forming in his eyes because he laughed so hard. Mr. North tried to smack him again, put Christopher was prepared this time, and dogged it easily. I liked the way the two of them seemed to get along, like Christopher was Mr. North younger brother in a way, even if they didn´t look the same at all.

"Well Bella, then I guess there is noting more to say on that matter. Welcome to North Star Records," Mr. North said and we formally shook hands.

"So, to a more practical matter, Chriss here will be your producer, and you two will work together. I don´t care when you work, or how, as long as things get done. You´ll meet with your band tomorrow, so you can get to know each other. If you absolutely hate them, we will find a new band for you, but I really hope you won´t..."

"You won´t" Christopher assured me.

"Anyway, that´s tomorrow. No offense, but you look dead tired. Do you have anywhere to stay in Seattle? Or are you going home."

"Definitely not going home," I thought, "That would be a nightmare."

"I was going to check in on a motel close by tonight. I haven´t thought much about where I was going to live to be honest," I said, thinking about the little money I had left. A hundred dollar really wasn´t that much in the real world.

Mr. North smiled, he seemed to do that a lot.

"Then I have the perfect solution. This is a three storage building. On the second flour, there is a stage and a party area, for promotion ad such. But on the third flour, there is a pretty large apartment. It´s actually a penthouse. My grandparents lived there when they owned the place. I have my own place, and I like to separate home and work, at least in theory. So it´s up there, no one using it, so if you need a place to stay for free..."

I couldn´t believe my luck. A penthouse in Seattle for free! About three seconds away from where I worked, I was SO never going to be late ever. And next door, a book shop. I didn´t deserve any of this, but I was going to take it anyway. I needed this, all of this, to start living again. Right there and then, I decided that that I would no longer put myself down. I was going to face up to my fears and my mistakes, deal with them and move on. And I would do it through music.

* * *

Yey, another chapter =)

Next chapter is going to be a little sad.

Review!


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6: Amanda**_

The penthouse was a mess, but it had potential.

"Just like me," I thought as I looked at myself in a dusty, flour-length mirror that hung in the little hall. I really looked like a mess too, my hair sticking wildly out everywhere, my way to tight, purple t-shirt had crept up, exposing more skin than necessary, and my jeans were dirty (no idea what so ever how that happened).

But at the same time, it looked kind of cool. I looked way to skinny, I had to gain some weight, but the messy style felt good, and the tight t-shirt actually looked good on me. The jeans didn´t fit, they were a little big, but if I eat some more, I could actually pull this messy style off. I hadn´t packed any cloths, so why not use my money to buy myself a new wardrobe. I didn´t need my college found anymore, no way I was going there, so why not start living by starting to create a new style. I didn´t need to be so perfect anymore, I wasn´t perfect.

For the first time in my life, I actually wanted to go shopping.

"Oh, Alice, I hope you see this moment and that you are proud of me. I want to go shopping," I murmured, feeling incredibly sad. But I didn´t feel that much pain anymore. It gave me hope that maybe someday, I would be able to remember the Cullens and the little time I got the share with them not only with pain, but also with happiness.

"But not yet," I whispered to my self as the pain in my chest increased as I fell deeper and deeper into the forbidden pool of the Cullens.

To get my mind of things, I started to analyze the penthouse. There was dust everywhere, but all the furnishers were covered with white sheets, so I hoped they weren´t half bad. It had a modern look to it, because Mr. Norths father had gotten it renovated five years ago when he thought he was going to be kicked out of his own house for lying about some money to his wife.

It had a slanting sealing that was more a giant window, and it was the most amazing thing of them all. The sealingwindow went all the way down to the floor at the right side of the combined living room and kitchen. On the left side, there was two doors, one that led into a bedroom, and another that went into the bathroom.

"Well, might as well start cleaning," I thought as I pulled my hair up in a ponytail. I would go out shopping when I was finished, so I at least had some clean underwear and cloths when I met my band tomorrow. The real shopping trip was going to have to wait. Mr. North had given me tons of cleaning equipment and wished me goof luck, so I got my iPod, turned up the volume and got to work.

***

Three hours later, I was finally done. It was now three in the afternoon on a Saturday, and I was so tired, I could have fallen asleep at my feet. But I had to go shopping before I went to bed, so I wrote a shopping list.

The place had towels, bed sheets and stuff like that, and all the furnishers were in good shape. The chairs in front of the small fireplace were all soft, velvet chairs in a deep, green colure that I really liked. Ironic, I liked green now? Hu...

All the wood in the house were a dark brown, almost black, and so was the kitchen. The living room/ kitchen walls had a creamy, off-white color, and the bedroom was painted in a nice, light, purple tone and the bathroom was white and light blue, with a bubble bath and a fancy shower. The place cleaned up nicely. I hope the same went for me.

While I was cleaning the bedroom, I reached up to pull of the white sheet that hang over what I presumed was a normal wardrobe. But when I pulled the sheet off, I immediately got Narnia associations. It was massive, with beautiful carvings of horses and birds. When I opened it, I almostexpected to see trees and snow, but what I saw, almost gave me a heartatack anyway. It was agiant, walk-in closet, complete with a giant mirror at the far end. Despite of not finding a magical land inside my walk-in closet, I decided to name it Narnia.

So the things I needed, was things like, soap, hair-products, food and some cloths. That had to do for today, because I had to get some sleep, soon! Christopher had told me that there was a little shop around the corner that sold every day things, so I went there first, and next door to that, there was a second hand cloths store. Perfect!

I got everything I needed in no time, I found two pair of well used jeans that looked really cool and felt really comfy. I also got a vibrantly blue, tight, v-necked t-shirt that said: Shine like a STAR! and some other t-shirts and tube tops. But the coolest thing I got, was an awesome, dark blue, chest length leather jacked. They also sold some first hand underwear (thank god!), so half an hour later, I dragged myself back to North Star Records, into the elevator, dropped everything in the hall and then collapsed on my bed. I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow. I didn´t hear the buzzing of my phone from my handbag.

***

When I woke up, I was confused. This wasn´t my room. I sat up and looked around. My purse was at the far end of the bed, and I grabbed it and dug out my phone. Five missed calls from Jacob Black. Then realization hit me, and it hit me hard. All the good feelings I had felt before I fell asleep was gone, and I felt empty inside, like there was nothing left of me anymore. I couldn´t breath.

I had slept with Jacob, and I had left him. _**He, **my one love_ had left me. I had run away from home, I HAD SLEPT WITH JACOB!

Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach, and I ran to the bathroom to throw up. I sat beside the toilet after I had said hi to my mini lunch again, and I felt so cold on the inside. I was shivering, so I quickly turned on the shower, I didn´t even striped of my cloths, and sat down in the hot, glass walled shower. Then, I cried.

I was so hopeless! I was a mess, and I was surely going to screw up this thing in Seattle too. I was some kind of terminator, I destroyed everything in my path.

"Hello? Anyone there?" I got such I fright, my heart went from "a little upset" beat to "crazy fast" beat in one second. Who the...? But my mind was too panicked already to care enough about the intruder.

"Hello?" The voice was near the bathroom now, and somewhere deep in my mind, I registered that it was a female voice.

"Hello? Oh, Jesus!" She exclaimed as she walked into the bathroom and saw me sitting in the steaming hot shower, fully dressed. She ran in to me and shut of the water, and then proceeded to try and get me up of the wet bathroom floor.

"Bella, are you OK?" The woman, or girl, somewhere in between I guessed, had dark brown eyes that looked worried, and long, braided black hair. She was tall too, and kind of beautiful. She put me down beside the counter, and looked around quickly until she found a big, fluffy white towel.

"Bella, look, I think we have to get you out of this wet cloths before you start freezing, then you´ll get sick." I just nodded, knowing she was right, but still in a state of panic. She helped me undress and then packed the towel securely around me. Somewhere in the process, we both ended up on the bathroom floor.

Finally, I managed to gather myself a bit and speak.

"I´m sorry..." I had no idea who this person was.

"Amanda," the woman said helpfully. "I´m the bassist in your band."

Oh crap, way to make a first impression.

"Well, I´m sorry Amanda, I-I just kind of had a panic attack w-when I woke up." I drew my fingers through my wet hair and shook my head. "I did something really stupid last night, and when I woke up this morning, going to Seattle seemed like my only choice, and I did feel better. And then, when I woke up just now after a nap, I just realized that I had slept with my best friend, and I broken his heart and lost my virginity and..." I cut myself off, I had really said too much. Poor Amanda, she was probably going run for the door screaming, and then call Mr. North and tell him that I was completely insane, and that he had to fire me.

Wow, I was really rambling...

I looked up at Amanda, expecting to see disapprovement, disgust or some other kind of awful, judgmental look, but all I saw in the brown eyes, were understanding and sadness. She smiled sadly at me.

" Oh Bella, I know the feeling. Though I didn´t sleep with my best friend, but rather with her boyfriend," she said shaking her head in shame. I looked at her more intently. Bur I was to polite to ask about what had happened. I just put my head in my hands and sighed.

"God I hate tequila," I muttered, and Amanda laughed a bitter laughter.

"I know the feeling. I was just so drunk at this one party, and when I woke up the next day, my my best friend´s boyfriend was in a bed beside me naked and my best friend stood in the door, crying and yelling at me to get out." Amanda shook her head at the memory, like she could see it all happening again in her head. "I ran away to my grandparents house, and I locked myself in there for a week. I was so ashamed and scared, because sex had been a big deal for me, and now I had just, you know, lost it. And I couldn´t even talk to my best friend about it, because she hated me."

I leaned my head against the wall, thinking how un-typical this was for me, sharing one of the biggest mistake of my life with a complete stranger. It was weird, put at the same time oddly comforting to know that I wasn´t the only one that had done something that stupid. Amanda seemed kind, even if she had done something stupid and hurt her best friend.

"How did you move on? How did you stop feeling so disgusted with yourself?" I asked silently. I felt like I never wanted to see my own face again in the mirror. I hated the wet, brown hair that hung around my face.

Amanda smiled halfheartedly at me. "Time I guess. It was the band that brought me back. My grandmother had rented out there garage to a local band, and I´d played the bass in a school thing, so I knew some bass-stuff. The bassist had moved to Nevada, so I just waited for them in the garage one afternoon and demanded to be a part of the band." Her smile widened at the thought. Then it turned into a grimace. "Oh, and I colored my hair bright pink. I am actually a blondie."

I managed a small smile. "I would´ve liked to look a little different too right now. I just need a change" I mumbled and pushed my hair away from my face aggressively. Amandas eyes widened as she got an idea.

"You know what Bella, I think it actually would help. I have a coloring-kit in my purse, I was going to do something crazy with my hair tonight, but why don´t I bleach your hair? It might make you feel better."

I had to laugh at the thought. Me, a blondie. Oh well, why not. Anything was better than the me I was now.

I nodded. "Sure, bring it on."


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7: Bad Band Names**_

As Amanda did my hair, I started to feel much better. The panic was gone now, and I had gotten some of my previous resolution back. I had never been the one to talk about my feelings, but Amanda never judged me and she had felt the same way I did. It felt good to talk with her about it, to get everything off my chest, of course I stuck to the subject of Jacob, not wanting to go any deeper at the moment.

"I tell myself that what I did then, that´s not the kind of person I want to be. So I prove everyday that I´m not that person by being the person I want to be. I have never had a single drink since that party," Amansa said as she was blow drying my hair.

"Do you regret it every day?" I asked here, wondering how long I would have to bear this pain. Not that I didn´t deserve it.

Amanda stopped the blow dryer, and I turned to look at her.

"Yes, I do regret it, when I think about it. But I don´t dwell on it anymore. I can´t do anything about it, other than proving that I´m not a bitchy, boyfriend stealing slut." We both laughed a little. It hurt to laugh, but Amanda looked so non-slutty at the moment in her high-necked, red sweater and baggy jeans.

Amanda looked at me with a critical look, and then smiled.

"Well, it really is a change, and it doesn´t look half-bad, if I may say so myself."

A little scared, I slowly turned around to look at myself in the mirror.

I didn´t recognize the girl staring back at me.

She had the same, pale skin as me, but it seemed to glow a bit because it wasn´t such a contrast to the long, fluffy blond hair that cascaded down her shoulders and her back. Her eyebrows had been waxed into two perfect lines above her tired, but alert brown eyes. I lifted my hand, and the girl in the mirror did the same.

It wasn´t me at all, it was another person. It was perfect.

"A change," I nodded, too stunned to utter a whole sentence. Amanda walked up beside me and smiled at my reflection. The girl in the mirror smiled back at her, and suddenly, the girl in the mirror was me again. That damage smile would forever belong to Bella Swan.

"Thank you so much Amanda. You must think I am a complete..." I didn´t know how to describe myself. A complete lunatic? A nutcase? A person that spilled her guts to anyone, anywhere, all the time?

Amanda just shook her head. "Oh Bella, don´t worry." Then she started to laugh. Her laughter was free too, just like Christopher´s laughter. She had healed. That stung a bit. I knew that I would never heal like that. But I wouldn´t let myself think about it.

"Actually, I was terrified that you were going to be a stuck-up, know-it-all musician with no feelings what so ever. I am very glad to be proven wrong," she smiled and put her own hair up in a messy bun on the top of here head.

I smiled back at here. What was it with these people? They all made me smile and feel better, no matter what I did, no matter how weird I acted. I shook my head as I started to clean out the bathroom, and the blond hair that moved with the movement took me a bit of grad.

"So Bella, what do you say? Time for a night snack and some gossip about the band?" Amanda asked as she walked out into the combined living room/ kitchen. She seemed to be a kind of person that felt at home no matter where she was. I liked it, and I had a feeling that Amanda and I were going to be really good friends.

I didn´t have anything exceptionally exciting snack to offer, but I had bought lemons, so we made lemon-water and put a bole of chips on the little table in front of the two chairs in the living room aria, Amanda consequently calling me "blondy" every opportunity she got. I wanted to call here something too, so I called here black without thinking about it. We both froze, stopping what we were doing, me cutting lemons, she poring ships, looked at each other, and laughed. My laughter was painfully wrong in a way I couldn´t put my finger on.

"So, tell me, the band! I want to know as much as possible!" I said as I sat down in the green chair, which was really comfy by the way.

Amanda dramatically reached out for a a glass of water, took a painfully long sip, and then put the glass down again. I just rolled my eyes.

"OK, so the band consists of the most important member, me, the bassist," Amanda joked, pretending she had a hat on her head that she flipped off. "And then there is Jack Carter, he plays the guitar. Nice guy, awesome guitar player. He do some back-up vocal too. Just don´t touch his guitar, he´ll kill you. "

"Jack Carter, guitar, no touching, got it," I repeated. Amanda laughed, and then continued.

"Our keyboard player, Johnny Dean, is our songwriter and composer. You can say he is the mastermind. And he has a sick sense of humor. We have Allen Promfry, he plays the drums, or kills them, depends on how you look at it. He is the sweetest thing ever, always have a smile on his face. He has a girlfriend too, and she is really nice and caring..." she said and I had a feeling Amanda didn´t really like this girlfriend.

"Johnny Dean, mastermind, Allen, drum-killer, girlfriend."

"Quick learner. I like that. Ok, so that leaves the most important member of them all, the one member that is the front face of our band."

I sat up a little straighter, wondering who this important person could be.

Amanda looked at me and winked. "You."

I was speechless. Me? How could she say that. She had never heard me sing, or...

"Bella, Chriss played your version of Free Falling for me, and you are just..." She waved her hands in front of her, trying to explain. I felt myself blush scarlet. There was only so much positive response a girl could take, so I quickly changed the subject.

"And you all call yourself the Mad Cows..." I said, disapprove coloring my voice. Amanda shook her head, laughing again.

"Our band was never meant to be anything serious, so we just picked a funny name," She explained. "But I agree with you, we really need another name for our band."

So I retrieved my notebook and we started to bouncing ides of each other for new band names.

"Something that reflects on us as individuals..." murmered Amanda and looked out the window.

"The Total Fuck – Ups?" I suggested, trying to be funny, but Amanda just rolled her eyes. I wrote it down anyway, so the page didn´t look so empty.

"What about HOPE?" asked Amanda. I wrote it down as I shook my head slightly.

"Too, I don´t know, happy?" I said, and Amanda frowned, but had to agree that if we were named HOPE, then that limited the kind of music we could play.

After several suggestions, bad ones I might add, I started to bang my head with the notebook. This was really hard! Then I got and idea.

"Amanda, do you have an iPod or something?" I asked as I retrieved mine from my back pocket.

"Sure, how come?" she asked as she got hers out of her purse. She looked quiet confused.

"Push shuffle songs or what ever, and the tell me the name of the first song that comes on," I said enthusiastically, quickly doing the same. The song that started to play was _I´m still here_ by John Rezeznik.

"I got The Reason I go On," Amanda said disappointedly. I sighed.

"Mine sucked too, but I had to try. I wish the band name would just fall into my head."

Somewhere in the process of pondering a new band name, I think we fell asleep, because when I awoke with a start in what seamed as a second sleep, a red dawn was breaking in the horizon. Then, I knew what the band name was going to be:

Seattle Sunrise

**AN: I had real trouble trying to figure out a cool band name, but I liked Seattle Sunrise, because they are so rear. I mean, it rains all the time there, right? Well, I hope you all liked this chapter. And just so people know: Bella is on the pill, so she will not be getting pregnant or anything stupid like that =P **


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8: Seattle Sunrise**_

Amanda went home to change her clothes after I had awaken her gently, she had slept in the chair, sprawled out like a lazy cat on its favorite sleeping place. She had been a little groggy at the start, but when I told her that I wanted to name the band Seattle Sunrise, she immediately seemed more awake, and she told me she liked the name: simple, original.

I looked at the clock, in an hour, at nine o´clock, I was going to meet Jack Carter, Johnny Dean and Allen Promfry, and hopefully, they would like me and the band name I had come up with. I was nervous, and I decided to take another shower, then get dressed before I would go down to the studio. Not having a lot of clothing to choose from, I picked out some of the clothes I had bought yesterday, and hopped in the shower.

Being alone again, my mind started to wander off on it's own. What was Jacob doing now? I had left him about 24 hours ago now. Had he read my letter? Did he understand what I was trying to tell him? I felt tears falling from my eyes, but the water from the shower hid them. I hoped he did understand. If not now, maybe later, someday.

The extremely blond and unfamiliar hair that followed my head were ever it turned, gave me a fright more than once, and looking into the mirror, I looked blissfully different. I was not the brown, haired, brokenhearted girl anymore, I was a blond artist. Sure, still brokenhearted, but no one needed to know or see that.

Twenty minutes later, I was down in the reception aria at the ground floor, just as alone as I had been the day before. I clutched the guitar in my hand as I looked around, hoping to see someone, but no one was around. Not wanting to stand in the reception aria like a fool, again, I decided to go to the recording studio I had been in the day before to play some on my guitar.

Silently, I walked through the corridor that led to the recording booth, and by some reason unknown to even me, I as terrified to meet someone there. But the corridor and the booth was empty. So I sat down in the chair placed in the middle of the box – shaped room again, took out my guitar and started strumming it. If was horribly off tune, but finally I sounded like it should, and I smiled as I started to play the chords to the song I had written in the cab on my way here. I had meant every word of the song, and as I started to sing it again, I released that it wasn't a half-bad composition.

The song left my head with lots of questions. What was the meaning of this life, really? Was I meant to fail at holding on to everything I loved? Was this the right road for me, was it right of me to leave Jake? He was a good kid, but that was it. He was just a kid, a friend. Argh....! Couldn't my head just shut up!

So I did like I had done when I wrote Monday Morning. I got my thoughts out of my head by making them into a song.

I hadn't composed more than the beginning of the song, before I heard the door to the recording booth being wrenched open, and a guy with short, brown hair and dim, blue eyes stumbled in. I stopped playing immediately and stood up, looking at the guy that was breathing hard and looking at me with a kind of manic look in his eyes. Then he opened his mouth, and what he said left me more confused than I already was and quit frankly, a little scared.

"You should play E minor instead of G major at the start of the verse."

I blinked at him. "Excuse me?"

He lifted his hands and motioned for me to give him the guitar. "Here, I'll show you."

Reluctantly I gave it to him and he took my seat in the recording booth and started to play my song, but he did some changes. I didn't like it at first, who was _he_ to make changes to _my_ song. But I had to admit that he was good.

"Sing," he prompted, and reluctantly, I did as I was told.

_What's this life anyway? _

_What's it to you and me? _

_What's it to anyone? _

_Who are we supposed to be? _

_Make me a storybook _

_Write me away from here _

_I need a different now _

_Where we can wear each other for awhile _

_I'll len you my tears if I could borrow a smile _

_I'll get through tomorrow somehow today _

_Happy After... _

_Once upon these days _

Wow, it sounded so much better when he played it! The changes worked brilliantly, and he put in a bit of melody in the guitar voice too. He looked up at me, expectantly. I smiled at him and nodded.

"That sounds much better than when I play it, you must be a professional," I said, studying the way he held my guitar, like it belonged on his lap and in his arms. The boy laughed.

"Nah, I can't clam that title, not yet anyway," he smiled, showing a row of perfect white teeth. Then he balanced the guitar between his chest and lap as he leant forward and offered me his hand.

"Hey, I´m Jack Carter."

Oh! Now that would explain a lot. So this was the second member of my band. I grasped his hand an shook it.

"Hi, I´m Bella, Bella Swan," I smiled, and Jacks eyes widened. So he had heard of me. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

"Oh, right, I should have guessed that, shouldn't I?" he laughed and brushed the short hair with his hand, like he was used to have more hair than he currently had. Just like... No, don´t go there, not now. Stupid, stupid!

Instead, I focused on Jack.

"No, that´s cool, I didn't know that you were you, you know... Amanda told me about you all last night," I said, feeling a bit stupid myself for not having jumped to the conclusion that Jack was Jack, and for rambling. Why couldn't I stop rambling all the time! Jack pretended to look scared.

"Oh no! I assure you, everything she told you is a lie. I never dated to women at the same time, and I didn't fall of a stage during my guitarsolo," he said, so obviously faking it that I had to laugh out loud.

"No? So you aren't a great guitar player, and you are not madly in love with your guitar?" I asked when I was able to speak again. All this laughing was making my stomach hurt. Jack laughed too.

"Ok, now that is the truth." Then he looked at his wrist were a solid metal watch snaked around his wrist, and then he swore.

"Oh no, we are late!" he said, grabbing my guitar with one hand and my wrist with the other, dragging me out of the booth. He only let go of my hand so he could open the door, and then we were running through the corridors of North Star Records, until we got to a door where it said "Band Studio D". Jack didn't nock or anything, he just barged in, just he had done moments before, and I wondered if this was a habit of his. I just followed him in, hanging at the end of his arm like a rag doll.

"Just relax, I got the golden girl here, an we are only a few minutes late," Jack announced as he shoved me in front of him and then bowed like he had just preformed a marvelous deed. I blushed red as I took in my surroundings. This booth was much bigger than the one I had been in, and behind seemingly weirdly placed glass shields, there were instruments. A drum, a guitar, a keyboard, a bass and one place only a microphone.

But the instruments weren't the only things that was inside the booth. Mr. North was smiling softly at me from where he stood beside Amanda, and they had clearly been talking. Christopher was standing between two other guys, one tall and fair with angelic, blond hair, wavy, and the other one a bit smaller with straight, dark blond hair. The one with the angelic hair, had a wicked smile on his face. Christopher looked a bit shocked, but he quickly pulled himself together.

"Good morning blonde," he smiled and walked over to me. He surprised me by lifting his hand and ruffling my puffy blond hair. "I like it, it´s the new you!" Oh, how sweet that smile of his was. Bella, snap out of it! His blue eyes sparkled.

Mr. North clapped his hands and looked at all of us.

"Good good, now we are all here. Bella, I trust you know Amanda," Amanda smiled and nodded. "but I dear say that you don't know Johnny the keyboard player." the boy with the angelic golden hair winked at me and waved, that wicked smile still on his round face. He had the face of a little, naughty kid, but the body of a man.

"On his left," mr North continued, "we have Allen who plays the drums." Allen smiled at me too did a kind of salut with his hand, like we were in the navy or something. He seemed like a nice guy, like a big brother kind of type with his broad shoulders and warm, grey eyes.

"And I can see that you have already meet Jack, so I think that's all," mr North nodded to himself, clearly satisfied, and then he walked over to me and Christopher, grabbed him by the arm and started for the door. Wait, what? Were they leaving us? Me?

"I trust you will have something to show us when we come back," Christopher said over his shoulder at us, a bemused expression on his face. Then the door closed behind him, and I everything went quiet. But only for a second.

"Hey you guys, check out what Bella and I came up with a few seconds ago!" blurted Jack and practically ran to where the guitar stood behind one of the glass shields. Unsure of myself, stood rooted to the spot. What was I supposed to do again? I could see Allen and Johnny glancing at each other and then rolling their eyes. Johnny looked over at me.

"It's just so typical Jack – move, getting to "know" the girl before anyone else gets a chance," he smiled and wiggled his eyebrows. Amanda had walked up to me, and snorted loudly at the two boys.

"Hey, be nice, she is not just a hot thing, she is a smart, artistic, talented hot thing," Amanda said and bumped me with her hips.

Jupp, of course I lost my balance, who do you think I am? A girl with grace and a good relationship with gravity? I was so stiff because I was no nerves, that when Amanda bumped me, it caught me fully of guard and I fell smack down on the floor.

Amanda looked shocked down at me, but then she threw her head back and laughed out loud. Laughter erupted from the other people standing different places in the booth, and I felt myself blush so hard, I was sure that I looked like I had a really bad sunburn. Again, way to make an impression. I pressed my hands to my face and hid behind them. The laughter quickly quieted down then, and I looked up from my hands.

Allen, Jack, Amanda and Johnny were all standing over me, all of them smiling and suppressing laughter. But all their eyes were kind. They weren't being mean, they just thought it was funny that I had fallen down so easily. I could see that, but I still felt like melting into the floor beneath me.

"Bella, I'm sorry," said Amanda and reached out a hand for me to grab. Allen did the same, and they helped me get up on my feet again. I shook my head.

"No, it's my fault," I said, checking that I hadn't hurt myself falling. "The floor and I go way back, he likes to make me trip or fall for no obvious reasons all the time." It was a lame joke, I'll admit, but it was true. I fell down ALL THE TIME! To my utter surprise, Johnny laughed at me bad joke like he actually thought it was a funny one. Allen, Jack and Amanda too snorted in amusement.

"So basically, you're a total klutz?" Allen asked as he brushed off some dust on my arm. I nodded ashamed, but Allen just laughed. "Jack! Hide your guitar!" said Johnny, and Jack mock – ran away from us, and I had to laugh too at the horrified expression on his face. What a character that boy was.

Amanda put a hand over my shoulder.

"Hey, did you an Jack say you had something to show us?" she asked, and this time Jack really ran and got his guitar. Where was mine? I would have to look for it later. The rest of the group followed him and in a few short seconds, he stood there with his guitar, looking expectantly at me.

"Come on, show us what you got!" Allen said kindly and gently pushed me beside Jack. Oh, how my heart was pounding! How could I ever be an artist, when I got this nervous just singing for my own band. "Get a grip on yourself," I told myself sternly, and then I nodded at Jack. He started to play my song, and I sang. And as I sang, I could feel the song coming together inside me, like a song I had known in all along, just forgotten it.

I could feel Amanda, Allen and Johnny gawking at me, and when the song ended, Allen wolf whistled. Amanda clapped her hands, but Johnny was just steering at me like I had two heads or something. I felt myself blushing again, why couldn't he just look away? But I was pleased, it seemed that at least Amanda and Allen liked my song.

"Isn't she genius?" Jack asked excitedly, and I blushed even more.

"Yeah," Allen nodded and high-fived Jack behind my back. "I can hear it in my head you know, I already got the drum beat." Amanda nodded smilingly, and then she saw me looking at Johnny, and she looked at him too.

"Hey Johnny, say something! You are scaring the crap out of Bella," she stage whispered to him, and Johnny shook his head like he was denying something, and blinked. Then he turned his back on us and walked over to his keyboard.

"What is he doing?" I whispered to Amanda, but she just shrugged, like this was something that happened all the time. Johnny but on a pair of oversized headphones like the one I had worn the previous day when I had recorded _free falling_. At once, Jack grabbed his too, and listened as Johnny played on his keyboard. Amanda and Allen leaned in to listen too, and a wide grin steadily spread on all of their faces.

"He's in "the mode"," smiled Allen and nodded. Then he straightened up. "Everyone on their marks!" Oh confusion, how often it followed me these days. "The mode?". I didn't understand a thing.

Like Amanda had read my mind, she grabbed my arm and as she lead me to the microphone in the corner, she said: "Sometimes when Johnny hears something that inspires him, he goes into "the mode", and when he's in "the mode", it's just nothing to do but to get your gear and follow as best as you can," she said and slammed the headphones on my head, and a piano version of my song filled my ears.

I widened my eyes as I heard the beauty of the complicated, yet easy-on-the-ear piano melody. He was really good. Then a bit sharper guitar voice joined piano melody, and soon a deep base made it all sounded more complete. How weird to hear the music that had just been in my head put into reality. A steady drumbeat joined the others, and they jammed together for a little while before the music suddenly stopped.

The sudden silence took me a bit of guard, and startled I looked around to se everyone taking their headphones off and looking at Johnny, so I did the same, curios to what was going on: I had never been a bart of a band, so I had no idea of how this things worked.

"Ok guys, this could be our first song as a new group," Johnny said, "and I personally am very positive with what we have going here." He was so serious, but yet gentle and boyish, and I occurred to me that music was something important to him. He was a natural joker, sure, but when it came to his and the bands, his music, there was no joking.

"Seattle Sunrise," Amanda said, and everyone turned to look at her.

"Excuse me?" Johnny said, confused. Amanda looked away from Johnny, and smiled at me.

"Our band name, it's Seattle Sunrise."

* * *

_A.N: Disclaimer, I don't own anything except the band and North Star Records. The song I used is These Days by Chantel Kreviazuk_

_I hople you like this chapter and like the band, I really LOVE the band. _


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Far, but yet on the same spot**

"My good sirs, let me introduce you to the spanking new band Seattle Sunrise, and this is our very first hit, _Once upon these days_. So just sit back and enjoy the enchanting voice of Bella Swan and her amazing band!"

Amanda and I looked at each other and roller our eyes at Jacks overdramatic presentation of us, but I had learned quickly that Jack was a bit of a dramaqueen, or in his case, king. It was quite funny, actually, the way the different personalities of everyone in the band fitted together.

Allen: warm, kind and brotherly. He really had a gift when it came to playing the drums. He also liked to challenge Amanda to her limit of difficulty when it came to the bass voice, and Amanda challenge both Allen and Jack. They made each other better and the music more exciting, and Johnny made sure they all sounded good together and that no one was playing something too wired. Johnnys' word was law, which was good, because Jacks, Allens and Amandas discussions could get a bit heated.

"Ready Bella?" Johnny asked into my headphones, and I nodded nervously. Christopher and Mr. North were looking intently at us, and I could feel my palms go cold, as they always did when I was nervous, and I was glad that I didn't have to play the guitar.

"Count us in Allen!" shouted Jack.

"One, two, three four!"

The piano and the guitar started to play, and I closed my eyes and sang:

_What's this life anyway?_

_What's it to you and me? _

_What's it to anyone? _

_Who are we supposed to be? _

_Make me a storybook _

_Write me away from here _

_I need a different now _

_Where we can wear each other for awhile_

_I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow a smile _

_I'll get through tomorrow somehow today_

_Happy After... _

_Once upon these days _

_There's four roads to anywhere_

_Four ways to everything _

_We were unbreakable _

_We spoke our destiny _

_Let's take a moment out_

_Go were we never go _

_Let's make a new world now _

_Where we can wear each other for awhile _

_I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile _

_We'll get through tomorrow somehow today _

_Happy After..._

_Once upon these days _

_Then one day we'll find  when we're looking back at this time _

_Wondering how we've come so far from this_

_When we close our eyes _

_What's this life anyway _

_What's it to you and me _

_What are we doing here_

_Who are we supposed to be_

_I'll take a better world _

_I'll take anything_

_I'll take our little world now _

_Where we can wear each other for awhile _

_I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile _

_We'll get through tomorrow somehow today _

_Happy After... _

_Once upon these days_

I tried to relax and sing the words of the song as personal as I could, because they were my words, my feelings, put into music. It was a bizarre feeling, the way all the band instruments made my song more than just a melody in my head, more than just a feeling in my ruined chest. The music filled my chest, and made the pain just a little more bearable.

The last chord faded away, and I looked up at Christopher and Mr. North, hoping not to see any kind of negative emotion on their faces. My fears were without reason, because the first thing I saw when I looked into the sound-booth was Christopher punishing his fists in the air and I had was sure he was shouting "Yes, yes!" inside the soundproof booth, and Mr. North was smiling that brilliant smile of his and talking on the phone.

"Pst, blonde, I think they liked your song," Allens voice stage-whispered smugly in my earphones, Amanda and Jack agreeing with a murmur of approval. I shook my head silently.

"Not my song, our song," I said back, "It's Johnny who is the musical genius, not me."

To my astonishment I could hear Johnny laughing. I guess he was out of his crazy-musician-mode and back to his old, joking self.

"Blonde," he said, Amandas nicknames had rubbed of on the other members of the band, and I was afraid that I was stuck with the nickname now. "I honestly don't care who did what, but you are the best inspiration I have had in years. Jesus, this is going to be one hell of a band."

"Johnny, you are more right than you can imagine." Christophers voice gave me a bit of a fright, I had gotten so used to the bands voices in my headphones, that his dark, excited voice came as a bit of a shock really. I looked back at him, his eyes were shining with some enormous feeling, with joy, a joy I would never feel again. Stop thinking about it Bella!

Christopher looked back at Mr. North, like he was looking for some kind of approval. Mr. North nodded and Christopher leaned into the little microphone right in front of him.

"Mr. North called some people while you played your song, made them listen to it." I felt my face get white, both from fright and expectations. What had those people on the other side of the line thought about our song? And what kind of people had they called anyway. I could feel the others expectation too.

"Guys... Congratulations, you have your first gig monday night at the Music Box!" I couldn't believe it! Our first gig, and from the sound of the others cheers, the Music Box wasn't just any music bar. What Christopher told us next, confirmed my suspicions.

" This is great, the Music Box is the place for new bands to show off, make an impression, make people look. Everyone that matters will have someone there, major music-magazines, managers looking for warm up bands to tour with their bands, music critics."

Oh my, this was big, REALLY big. Suddenly, someone was pulling my headphones off, folded two arms around my waist and lifted me up, spinning me around and yelling of pure happiness. It was Jack of course, and he spun me to the place where I had met the whole band for the first time only two short hours ago, and everyone else joined us there, yelling, smiling and laughing.

I was glad to of course, but I still felt a bit remote, like I wasn't a part of the ceos of happiness that surrounded me. The tough of Jake and him, the people that had was the source of my music. Sure, the music helped me, but it also made me think about them. And that made me think about dad. Shit, I had to call Charlie, he was probably freaking out right now. But I had left my cell, and my purse for that matter, in the apartment upstairs.

"Hey guys, I just have to go call... someone," I said hesitantly, I didn't want to spoil the mood for the others. Allen nodded.

"Yeah, I have to call Rebecca and tell her too," said Allen and pulled his cell out of his shirt pocket and walk out the door, me following him. I saw Amanda sending him a weird glance, but I didn't think much of it. I just sprinted out of the recording studio aria, took the elevator up to the third third floor and locked myself into the apartment, my apartment.

I had five missed calls, and the las one was from Charlie, so I didn't wast time checkin who the others was from, they were probably from him too. He picked up on the second ring, it was after all a monday and he'd be at work at this time of the day. He sounded a bitt stressed out, but when I told him everything was fine, and that I had gotten the contract, a band, an apartment for free and a job already, he seemed to calm down.

"Well Bells, maybe this wasn't a bad idea after all. I mean, you seem to have gotten everything in order." Then he paused, and I sensed that there was a "but" coming.

"But are you sure this is what you want? Moving out and quitting school and everything. Have you talked to your mother about this?"

He had found the grand flaw in my not so well planed plan. Mom. I had no idea what so ever what she would think of my sudden wish of becoming a musician. Sure, this was the kind of thing she easily could have done herself when she was my age, but she always wanted me to be something more that she ever was.

"Dad, honestly, I am not so sure this is the wisest thing to do, but it is what I really want to do," I said, deliberately not answering the part about mom. I closed my eyes, and sat down at the soft bed. "All I know right now is that I need this," I whispered into the cell, and I could almost hear Charlie shaking his head.

"Ok Bells, I trust you honey, I always have. But are you coming home to pick up some of your stuff soon then? I mean, you need your clothes and... stuff." I smiled as he said that, yes, I REALLY needed my clothes.

"Sure sure, I'll come by tomorrow," I said, but then I remembered I had left my car at home, and quickly added: "or something." There was some kind of turmoil at the Charlies end, and I hear him talking to someone.

"Look Bells, I have to go, but be careful. I'll se you tomorrow then. Bye."

"I will, bye dad."

CLICK

I looked at the my cell without really seeing it, thinking. Number one: how was I going to get to Forks tomorrow without a car? Number two: I really should call mom.

I decided that calling mom could wait another day, and was about to put my cell away when I saw that I hat four more unanswered calls and two messages, and I froze. They were from Jake.

The first text said:

_Bella, where r u? Look, I'm sorry, please call me, OK? _

Tears stinging in my eyes, read the next one two, best to just do it now.

_Bella, I've read it, please call me back._

Three of the unanswered calls were from him too, and I couldn't hold back the tears that slowly rolled down my checks. Oh Jake. What should I do? What should I do? Crap. Shit.

I had to answer him, I couldn't just keep him hanging. He might become so desperate that he would go see Charlie, now THAT would be a full blown disaster. He deserved the right to something more than a stupid letter. So I walked into the living room, dried my eyes and tried to compose myself.

He picked up right away.

"Bella, my god, I am SO glad you finally called, I was so worried. Bella, I am sorry OK? I know it was stupid and a huge mistake. I mean, I don't regret it or anything, but I understand that you don't... Look, are you home? The woman at the reception said that you had taken a taxi home, so I knew you were safe home at least, but I didn't want to intrude on you. Can I come over? We really need to talk and..."

"Jake," I said, interrupting his babbling. He stopped and I could hear him breathing heavily on the other end, like he had ran a marathon or something. I took a deep breath, and decided to start with the thing that was the easiest to talk about.

"Jake, I am no at home," I said. "I'm... Well I'm kind of home, but not in Forks," I said silently, turning my back to the door and looking out over the little part of Seattle I could see. "I'm in Seattle."

"What? But, how.. Why? What's in Seattle of all places?" Jake spattered, confusion and frustration coloring his voice. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the cool glass of my window.

"Actually, I got a job here and an apartment." No use in prolonging the inevitable, best just to jump into it. "Jake, what happened... My feelings... The motel..." This was so hard! I tried again. "Jake, you know I love you, you read my letter. But we... we crossed a line that night, and..." Tears, so many tears. Wasn't there a limit to how many tears one person could produce in such a short time?

"Bella, don't," Jake whispered, but I had to get it out.

"Our friendship is over Jake. I'm so sorry, but. It means something so different to you, everything that we do together. We just can't." I was weirdly calm, the tears had even stopped falling, at leas for a little while.

"No, NO! I won't let you run away from me like this, from everything. I can live with us just being friends, I get it now. Please, can't we just pretend like it never happened?"

"Like it never, LIKE IT NEVER HAPPEND?" I was shouting now, I was so frustrated, and a little angry. "Jake, we had sex, SEX! Not that I remember anything of it, I was way to drunk, but that's not something I can just forget. My first time was supposed to be different, suppose to mean something to me. I can't... Jake, I'm not blaming you, but..."

"I see." His voice was stone cold, and I felt like someone had dropped that cold stone on to my stomach again. "You don't remember do you, so that's how you're going to play it." What was he talking about. Hadn't be been just as drunk too. Then it hit me. Drunk, yes, but not totally gone. He remembered. Oh my god, what had I said while I was waisted?

"Jake, I swear, I blacked out in the bar after the tequila shots, I don't remember..."

"Bullshit Bella, you where the one that initiated it. YOU told me to book us in to that hotel, YOU kissed me back Bella, you told me..." He stopped, swallowing loudly before continuing. "You weren't that drunk, hell you even insisted on using the condom, you put it on for god sake!" He was yelling now, and I was banging my head against the window harder and harder. I couldn't remember anything, to the... condom, oh my god, I had put a condom on... or anything else.

"You got to believe me Jake, I don't remember anything of it, I swear! If I had been the leas bit present, I would never have kissed you." I knew the words were the wrong once the second they were out of my mouth. But I was so angry and sad, I didn't really care.

"OK," he said silently. "I think you're right Bella, we can't be friends anymore." How I hated to know that right here and now, I had finished of the job of totally and thoroughly breaking Jacob Blacks heart. The tears I that had so magically disappeared still kept their distance as he hung up on me, and all I could hear was my own breathing. I slowly lowered the cell from my ear and opened my eyes.

There, it was done. I had let him go. Even if he thought that I had lied to him, it was better that he hated me and moved on that way, that waiting around for something that was never going to happen. He'd be broken for a while, sure, but he would move on, meet someone new, someone much better than me and have a wonderful life without me. It stung a bit, to think of Jake with an other girl.

I turned around to got to the bathroom and clean up a bit before I'd run back down to the others, pretending like everything was all right and try to get on with my new life, when I stopped dead in my tracks. There, standing in the doorway of the apartment, my apartment, was Johnny, his face filled with so many expressions I couldn't find one to focus on.

* * *

A.N: Sooo, thats the next chapter. I hope you like it. It's harder to write a fanfiction than I thought, but it's fun, so I'll keep going.

Pleas review if you liked it, or if you didn't.

This is the same song as the one that I used in the last chapter.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Chapter 10: Where I stood**_

We only stood there, looking at each other, no one moving, no one speaking. I couldn't even think of anything to say to him. How much had he heard? From the look on his face, I guessed he had heard enough, or as I though of it, way to much. Would he hate me? I could understand him if he did, who would want a girl that had done something that terrible working with him? Sure, Amanda had understood, but she had been were I was now in a way.

Then he spoke, and the words that came out of his mouth, made me take a mental double take.

"Are you all right?"

Had he really just asked me that? Yes, he had. And his face was full of concern, the mischievousness gone. Not trusting my voice yet, I just shook my head. No, I was absolutely not all right. I was as far from all right as a person can be, but I didn't say that. I had a feeling he knew somehow.

I slowly walked over to the sink, took out a glass from the kitchen cabinet and filled it to the brim with water that wasn't really cold, and downed it all at once.

"I'm OK, just not all right," I whispered as I put down the empty glass, not looking at Johnny. "I'm sorry you had to hear that, I... I..." I had no idea what to say. How to explain something like that, something I didn't really want to explain.

I turned around and looked at him, and his face was still worried. Why didn't anyone detest me for what I had done, except Jake?

"I had no where to go, that's why I came here. I couldn't go home, pretend like nothing had happened. This is al I got now, the music, this label," I said, willing Johnny to understand, to see that I really wanted this, that I needed this. Tears started do fall again, stupid tears! Johnny had moved closer to me as I spoke, and now he was standing just a few feet from me. Then, joking, goofy Johnny did something that really took my by a surprise. He opened his arms and engulfed me in a big hug, holding me tight and carefully rocking me from side to side.

"It's OK Bella, we wont kick you out or anything," he whispered into my hear. "We'll take care of you, I'll take care of you. I promise." I didn't want him to promise me that, I knew that promises were so easily broken. But I still felt a bit better in his strong arms, promising me that I was a part of something bigger than me, that we all would take care of our own, just like a family.

"I hate love," I muttered into his now tearstained cotton T-shirt, and I could feel Johnny silently laughing at my statement.

"Jupp Blonde, love is a real bitch, I keep away from her as often as I can myself," he said and laughed gently. "You know, you remind me so much of me little sister," he whispered into my hear. I had snort a bit at that. What, his sister was a blond, broken girl that led her best friends on and then duped them?

"How do I remind you of your sister?" I muttered. Unexpectantly, Johnny tightened his grip around me.

"She was a sweet girl, a big klutz just like you, and she had the worst luck with boys," he said, his voice steady. I wondered why he said "was". Was she dead...? "You see, she was such a nice person, everybody that came to know her, liked her, but a lot of the boys she was nice to, didn't understand that they weren't "special" to her they way they wanted to be, she was just nice to everyone. So after a while, they started ditching her because she had hurt their feelings. But Ann, my sister, didn't understand why her boy friends suddenly just disappeared, and she got really sad. Especially since she had really liked one of the boys, I think his name was Tim or something, and he had told her smilingly that he had gotten a date with her best friend."

I could feel him shaking his head slightly and taking a deep breath.

"She died a two years ago," he said silently. "Car accident." So she was dead. I immediately felt sorry for Johnny and his sister, and I instinctively hugged him tighter to me.

"She was 17 years old when she died, and the thing with Tim happened a year before that," he whispered. "I was 18 years old, she was 16, and I stood just like this, holding her while she cried and told me she hated boys."

"I'm so sorry," I murmured, and took a step back to look at Johnnys face. Johnnys face was sad, but at the same time, there was something in his eyes that shone whit whit happiness. The happiness that the memory of Ann provided him. I had moved on, conquered the pain. That gave me hope that one day I could to that to.

"But you know what love is good fore, even it is bad or good?" I shook my head. He let go of me, and walked over to the door, lifting up something that had been propped up against the wall there. My guitar! So that's why he was up here, he had probably come to give me my guitar. He sat down in the chair that Amanda had slept in, and hit a minor chord of some kind.

"Writing songs."

He looked up and smiled at me, and I something stirred inside me. He looked at me like he was my tree year younger sister, and the feeling that spread from my chest and into my heart, made me braver. I could trust Johnny, no matter what. So I sang two lines that popped into my head.

_I don't know what I've done _

_or if I like what I've begun_

I sat down in my chair opposite Johnny, and he looked up at me from my guitar, and nodded.

"That's good, better write it down you know," he said and took an iPhone out of his pocket, quickly writing it down. Then he looked at me, really looked, like he as trying to get something right out of my head.

"So, Blonde, what's the song about?" I was a bit put off by the question, I wasn't really sure what the song was about, it was just emotions.

"Well," I said, swallowing. "It's about me, obviously..." Johnny interrupted me.

"Ok, let's say that it's about a girl then, take a little step back look at yourself. What is that girl feeling?" he said and I tried to do what he told me to do, to take a good look at myself.

"It's about a girl that has just done something that's going to change... everything," I said slowly, looking right in front of me, but not really seeing anything. I was looking at the things that had happened in the past few months, the last few days.

"She has hurt someone, her very best friend, by doing so, but she had to. She had to run, everything in her told her that she couldn't stay, not after... She had to leave for his sake, and her own."

Johnny just nodded, and we worked on the song together, finding ways to tell the girls story, my story. It was a god way of working, looking at things from the outside. It didn't hurt that much then, and Johnny was so kind and helping, and he composed the perfect guitar voice to my melody and lyrics.

Then, it was done. The song was done.

That was it. That was the goodbye I needed, the things I should have told Jake, the goodbye he deserved. I would never be able to say these things to him, of course, but in a song, everything made sense.

I had wrote everything down with Johnnys chords, and as I sang the last sentence a capella, I looked up at him, and he was smiling that wicked smile of his again.

"What?" I asked, a bit nervous.

"Well, I came up her for two reasons, one: to give you your guitar, and two: to tell you that you needed two more songs for the performance at the Music Box this friday, and you have just written another one, in," he checked his watch "thirty minutes, I am NOT kidding you." He had to be joking, did he really like it so much that he wanted the band to play it.

Apparently he did, because ten minutes later, we were down in band studio D again, and the band were once again working on one of my songs, or Johnnys and min. This was just insane! I hadn't sung the song for them yet, just hummed the melody, I wanted to keep the lyrics to myself just a little bit longer. Johnny was in "the mode" again, and I was sitting with Mr. North in the soundmixing booth, looking at them.

"So Bella, tell me, how do you like working with us so far?" Mr. North asked from where he was sitting beside me. I just shook my head.

"It's so unreal. I really like it, I do, and the band is grate, and you and Christopher are great but..." I had to laugh, "I never pictured myself doing something like this, ever. I was the girl that cried herself from going to her piano-lessons,. But I guess now I see that in the end, there isn't a question if I want to do music or not." I shrugged lightly. "Music choose me, and now it's all I have."

"Bella!" It was Johnny who was talking into the microphone that was supposed to be mine. I looked up, and he motioned for me to join them. Mr. North smiled at me and gave me clap on the shoulder. I jumped out of the chair, and met Christopher when I was about to walk out of the soundbooth. He caught my eye when I walked by him, but I looked away quickly.

I felt my hands go cold again when I walked into the recording booth. This time, I'd have to play the guitar too, but I was ready. Everyone greeted me with a big smile, and Jack winked at me.

"You're like a song-writing-machine!" he laughed as I took my place behind the microphone and adjusted my guitar.

I was about to answer when I heard Christophers voice inside my headphone.

"Where I stood by Seattle Sunrise, take one!" he said. Allen counted me and Johnny in, so I thought of Jake, and sang.

_I don't know what I've done _

_or if I like what I've begun_

_But something told me to run_

_And honey I know you_

_It's all or none_

_There were sounds in my head_

_Little voices whispering _

_that I should go and this should end_

_Oh_

_And I found myself listening_

_'Cause I don't know who I am_

_Who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_'Cause she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

_See I thought love was black and white_

_That it was wrong or it was right_

_But you ain't leaving without a fight and I think I am just as torn_

_inside_

_'Cause I don't know who I am_

_Who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_'Cause she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

_And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call_

_You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all_

_But you taught me how to trust myself_

_And so I say to you, "This is what I have to do"_

_'Cause I don't know who I am_

_Who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_'Cause she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

_Oh_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

Tears were running down my checks, like my eyes were the freaking Mississippi. But I didn't care, I just sang and played, and the song was truly beautiful. The music filled me, like it had done time and time again these last few days, and the feeling of hope flourished once more in my broken chest.

This time, there was no screaming of joy or Christopher punching his fists into the air when the song was done. There was silence, and I felt myself go cold. Didn't Mr. North and Christopher like the song? I looked around, and I was startled to se that see that Amanda had tears in her eyes. Johnny wasn't right out smiling, but he had a soft kind of grin on his face. Allen and Jack were both looking serious as they staring at Christopher and Mr. North. I turned my head, and looked at them too.

"Pleas say something," I whispered, I couldn't stand the silence. Mr. North was looking at something on the floor, and Christopher was just sitting there, resting his head against his hands and not looking at anything. Painfully slow, Christopher lifted his head and once again he looked straight into my eyes. Then he lifted his finger, pushed the speaker button and leaned into the speaker in front of him.

"Bella, I..." He had to clean his throat and start again because his voice failed him.

"Bella, guys, that was... Wow, that was really good," he said, a small smile appearing on his face, but a gentle one. I felt my body transforming into gel-lo and my hands go warm again. They liked it. I felt someone grabbing my hand, and I looked over to see Amanda standing next to me, her lips were softly curved as she offered a peace of paper to dry my tear-streaked face. Now that I wasn't singing anymore, I felt myself reddening, I wasn't the kind of person to cry in front of everyone. Well, at least I didn't used to be that kind of person, though it seamed I had done it a lot these last two days.

"Good job everyone, I think we can call that a day," said Mr. North, leaning over Christopher to speak into the mic. His voice was serious, and something like a little electric spark went through my heart. I had moved him. Whit my song, with the words that moved me so much, I had moved someone else. In the mumbo jumbo that was my feeling, I felt that little electric spark shoot through the mumbo jumbo and push away the sadness. Maybe my songs could help others, not only myself.

* * *

That's another chapter. I hope you like it=) The song is Where I stood by Missy Higgins, a lovely song. Oh, and an electronic cookie to the firt person that reviews.

~B4E


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chapter 11: The Music Box**_

"I'm going to throw up," I muttered under my breath as I sat down at the dusty, old, mold-eaten leather sofa in the corner of the changing room. It was a small room, almost a cupboard, with no windows and no air. The walls had once upon a time been red, but the paint was pealing of the walls like bark on a tree. The mirror that hung above the little sink looked like some angry rock-guy had punched it after a bad performance, and nothing of this helped me calm down. It was friday night, and we were backstage at the Music Box.

"Don't worry Blonde, you're going to rock their socks off," Johnny smiled and sat down next to me, putting his arm around me and hugging me gently to his side. Jack sat down on the other side of me and did the same.

"Yeah, nothing to worry about. This is just one of the biggest opportunities we'll ever get to expose ourselves, no biggy," he said in a way to chipper tone, and I felt the bile rise in my throat. I slapped my hands in front of my mouth as I jumped out of the sofa and ran over to the little toilet that fortunately was right across the hallway and threw up the little food Christopher had almost forced down my throat for lunch.

I could hear Johnny, Allen and Jack howl with laughter, then tree loud smacks.

"Hey, cut it out you guys, or I'll personally kick every single on of you where it hurts the most!" Amanda yelled, and silence was accomplished. I had a feeling that this wasn't the first time Amanda had used this threat, and that she had gone through with it at least once. The thought made me smile before I once again bended over the toilet seat and emptied my stomach completely.

"So Seattle Sunrise, are you ready for your first performance ever?"

Oh no, no no no no no... I wasn't ready at all! I looked up from the intensely disgusting toilet and saw Christopher standing in the doorway to the cupboard-sized changing room, probably looking at the band with what I had come to know these last six days as his "you-can-do-it" face. I could see Jack and Johnny looking at me, then at each other, and then they both started laughing again. I managed to get up from the floor before Christopher turned around and looked at me. His face fell a bit.

"You all right there Blonde?" he asked, his eyes traveling up and down my body to make sure I was OK.

"Just give me a bottle of water and "don't-be-nervous" pill, and I'll be fine," I muttered as got to my feet, flushed the toilet, looked away from him purposefully and stared at my reflection in the mirror instead. I had started to get used to the blond hair by now, and Amanda had taken me to a hairdresser to give me a more defined look. So now, it didn't look at all like the old Bella-hair. It was cut into layers and Amanda had straightened it out for the concert. I still looked like me, just a little freer and different. And I needed to be different, to be able to distance myself from all the pain. I dared say that it worked, because these last few days, I had slept through the night without waking up screaming, not once.

The last five days, the band and I had worked so hard to make the songs perfect, record them one instrument at the time and write another song. After the first day, Amanda decided that we should celebrate. To tired to go anywhere, we ordered some pizza and had a little party in my apartment. Well, not so much as a party as just sitting in around the small table in my living room and talk.

Being me, I was a bit shy at the start, but Amanda refused to let me withdraw from the conversation that was flowing so easily around the table, so after a while I felt myself starting to relax and laughed with the others, enjoying myself. Not that my laugh was anything like Jacks, Amandas, Johnnys or Allens, and I mentally cringed every time I heard it, so horribly wrong in a way, but for a while, I almost forgot that I had two bleeding wholes in my chest.

It ended with everyone staying overnight, except Allen who had a date with Rebecca that he couldn't miss. Amanda had brought a sleeping bag and some change when she came this morning she admitted to me when Johnny and Jack went home to get their stuff.

"I didn't like the though of you being all by yourself when you woke up tomorrow, in case you..." she searched for the right way of putting my insane moment the previous evening.

"Incase I go nuts again?" I asked, half joking, half not. Amanda smiled sadly at me and nodded. I should have told her then, about the phone call with Jake, but I was in such a good place that I couldn't bring myself to go back down that dark, damp hole.

It was good having people around me, nice people that, even though the didn't know me that well, liked me and would take care of me. I think Johnny at some point told Jack and Allen that I had taken this job and moved here because of some "bestfriend/ boyfriend" issues, but nothing more detailed than that, and I was kind of glad that he had done so, though I was sure that Allen and Jack had figured out that much from my songs.

In the end, Amanda and I took the bed room and Johnny and Jack slept on air mattresses on the living room floor. I had the door between the two rooms open, and we all talked until the early hours of the morning, I don't even remember falling asleep. I remember dreaming of Jake, his face almost unrecognizable with anger, yelling at me, and I just stood there, taking it because I knew I deserved it. But I slept through the night, waking up early in the morning with traces of tears on my face.

On tuesday, our second day of working together, only Christopher met us down at North Star, and Allen came ten minutes after him. We worked on the songs we had already written, and at some point I remembered that I had to go to Charlie and pick up my stuff, and Christopher kindly lent me his car so I could drive to Forks and get what I needed while the band did some recording.

Charlie was pretty upset about the hair, but he was glad to se that I was OK, and he seamed a bitt happier when I left an hour later, with a bag of cloths and another bag filled with my favorite books. I decided to leave my truck, I didn't need it in Seattle anyway, not at the moment.

The days after that kind of blurred together. We worked so hard, we almost never saw the sun, and somehow, Amanda stayed over every night on a camping-bed improved with two mattresses. It was funny how it just worked out with all of us really, living so close with the band was actually quite easy. Allen, Jack and Johnny also stayed almost every night, and we talked. At first only about things that was easy to talk about like movies, music, books, music, traveling, music. But Wednesday evening, we were getting a bit desperate. We still was one song short for our little concert at the Music Box.

"I am totally empty right now," I told them as I threw yet another failed attempt on a song in the fireplace, where the fire consumed it and destroyed my failure. I had written my feelings away for a little while, and I looked at the others around me.

"Come on, doesn't any of us feel something we could write about? Except you Allen, I just can't handle playing a song about Rebecca," Amanda said, and Allen threw a popcorn at her in response. I registered, again, that Amanda didn't like Rebecca much.

Johnny coughed, and we all looked at him. He looked strangely uncomfortable in my very comfortable sofa, it was clear even to my that he was hiding something.

"Hey dud, if you got something, now would be a good time to share it," Jack said and play-punched his shoulder. Johnny looked uncertain from Jack to Allen, Amanda, me, and then he looked into the fire, away from us all.

"Well, I have been working on one song, or more thought about a possible..." Johnny started, but Amanda cut him off.

"Come on Johnny, spill already!" she said impatiently.

It was a brilliant song of course, it was Johnny who had made it. We worked together on the lyrics, and the next day the band finished the accompaniment to the song, and I could tell by the look in Christophers eyes the next day, when we told him we had written the last song, that we were done and ready, that he almost fainted with relief. One day before the concert, and we were finally done. The band had done the finale touches this morning, but I wasn't aloud to sing, Christopher wanted to be sure I didn't tire out my voice.

So here I stood, drinking greedily from the water-bottle Christopher had handed me, praying to all the gods I knew that I would remembered the lyrics to Johnnys song. It was so different from my songs, more rocked and with more power. Even though it wasn't me that had written all the lyrics, I could believe in them. It sounded weird, but we had created a story around the song, and I could pretend that I was that girl, I could convince others that I was that girl.

"Seattle Sunrise, ready in ten!" announced a black haired, mode-like woman when she ran past us with a notepad in one hand and a cell phone in the other. I felt my hands go cold, but at least I didn't feel like I was going to be sick any moment. I turned to Christopher and he grabbed my shoulders.

"Bella, you are going to do great, do you hear me?" he said, and I nodded weakly, not really believing it. I was going to die, and I knew it.

"Let me look at you," Amanda demanded and she made me turn around to see if my outfit was OK. We were all agreed on that we weren't going to dress up much, so to my utter relief, I was wearing some simple, blue Convers, black skinny jeans, a white t-shirt and the blue leather jacked I had bought the first day in Seattle. Amanda had added some of simple jewelry, and I felt good, I wasn't overdressed, just a bit nicer than when I normally went out. Amanda was wearing a long, white t-shirt with black dots, black leather tights, blood read stilettos and a matching little red cardigan.

Amanda smiled at me, and I could see that under her mask of calmness, she was just as nervous as I was. She took my hand and led me to the stage. I felt myself get more and more shaky for every step I took, but then I mentally slapped myself. Get a grip Bella, there is no way you'll ever manage to anything if you don't let go of your fears.

Johnny, Allen and Jack stood right outside the stage, all of them warming up their fingers and looking very concentrated, but calm. Johnny looked up at me and winked.

"Ready Blonde?" he asked, and I nodded determinately.

"Then go out there and kick some ass!" whispered Christopher and squeezed my shoulder as the announcer of the evening, a little redhead named Kathy Dawson walked on stage, our sign to get ready.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Music Box! We have a lot of new sounds tonight, so lean back and let yourself get inspired by what could might be the next big thing in the music world. Each band or musician will perform tree songs, and our first band for the evening is Seattle Sunrise!" As she said our name, she lifted her arm and pointed to where we stood backstage as she walked out of the stage.

OK, so this was it.

"Here goes nothing," I muttered as I walked in on stage.

* * *

A.N: Their first concert! Will they fail totally, or will they win the crowd? Well, you'll just have to wait for the next chapter to figure that out. Pleas tell me what you think of this chapter!

~B4E


	12. Chapter 12

_**Chapter 12: Just the Beginning**_

I picked up my guitar as Amanda started talking to the audience, my hands ice cold but but only tremble mildly. I was SO glad Amanda had offered to do the talking.

"Hello everyone, as Kathy said, we are Seattle Sunrise, and the first song we are going to preform for you," Amanda looked at me and winked "was written by our incredible talented and a bit shy vocalist, Bella Swan. It's called _These Days_" I felt myself blush at that, but Amandas taunting made me feel a bitt less nervous, so I just smiled at her and rolled my eyes a bit to the audince amusement.

I closed my eyes as the Johnny and Amanda started the intro to the song, and I took several deep breaths. Right before I was supposed to start singing I opened my eyes, and I spotted Mr. North in the audience, smiling proudly already. That gave me the strength I needed, and I started to sing.

_What's this life anyway?_

_What's it to you and me..._

To my utter surprise, I loved standing on the stage and preforming. Why? Because I could feel the audience responding. The songs I had written had done what they were supposed to do for me, they had helped me heal a bit. Now, I could sing them for the audience too, not just for my own sake. I was amazed to find that I had fun on the stage, playing the guitar and singing. We all had fun, smiling to each other, Jack, Amanda and I rocked out on front stage, and Johnny and Allen controlling everything behind us.

"Ok everyone," Amanda said. "This is our last song, written by our composer-in-the-house and keyboard player Johnny Dean. The song reflects on us, because this concert is just the beginning!"

That was the song name, _Just the Beginning. _It was a kind of feel-good song, and I hoped with all my heart that Amanda was right as Allen started the song with a crazy drum round. This was the best I had felt in months.

Amanda and I did a little crazy-dancing as I played the guitar at the intro, and I almost forgot to grab the mic to sing. So I just let the guitar fall from my hands, hanging by the strap around my neck, and then I hastily flipped it over my shoulder and grabbed the mic. I think the audience thought it was a trick or something, because they clapped and wolf whistled at me.

_Chase that dream down the highway_

_Don't care where, it's going my way._

_Sky on top, rain behind me,_

_there's no looking back. _

_I want you to need me, like I need you_

_Never thought I'd find something so pure._

_We thought we'd be somewhere else._

_We started a long time ago_

_We thought we'd be anywhere else. _

_Don't think that it's over_

_I know that the world belongs to us_

_And it's just the beginning_

_My heart raced a mile a minute_

_Some days get lost, then you're in it._

_Hold my hand, lets jump in and _

_See what lies ahead _

_You are the mirror I see myself in_

_Never though I'd find so much within_

_We thought we'd be somewhere else._

_We started a long time ago_

_We thought we'd be anywhere else. _

_Don't think that it's over_

_I know that the world belongs to us_

_And it's just the beginning_

_Oh...._

_You are the mirror I see myself in_

_Never though I'd find so much within_

_We thought we'd be somewhere else._

_We started a long time ago_

_We thought we'd be anywhere else. _

_We thought we'd be somewhere else._

_We started a long time ago_

_We thought we'd be anywhere else. _

_Don't think that it's over_

_I know that the world belongs to us_

_And it's just the beginning _

_Just the beginning_

"Thank you!" I yelled to the audience as every single one of them stood up to applaud us. I turned around to look at the band, and I could see Johnny with the biggest of grinds on his face, Jack and Amanda high-fiving each other as they put down their instruments. Allen smiled down at me as he took my right hand, Johnny my left, and we all bowed together, hand in hand, all of us smiling like fools. It was such a high!

When we got backstage, we were all just jumping up and down making so much noise that the stressed, backstage model-like woman chased us out the backstage door to a dark, narrow alleyway.

"That was without a question the coolest concert I have ever done!" Amanda exclaimed and then she attacked me with a hug that would have sent me straight into the dirty ground it Jack hadn't stood behind me and saved me from the painful experience. Then he but his arms around my waist from behind again and I laughed that horribly wrong laughter of mine as he started spinning me around

"Blonde, you got some MAD skills on stage!" he said as he finally let go of me, and I had to grab Johnnys shoulder for support.

I just shook my head. I wanted to say that it was them, not me, but I had to catch my breath first.

The backstage door flew up, and everyone went deadly quiet as we saw Christopher standing in the doorway, looking really angry. I felt a chill go down my spine. Oh no, had we screwed up somehow? My mind started to go through our whole performance, looking for things we had done wrong.

" I just got one thing to say to you all," he said sternly. Then his face relaxed, and he got the same crazy smile as we all had wore just seconds ago.

"I love every single one of you right now."

I don't think I've ever felt so relieved in my whole life. Then, without thinking, I did a really un-Bella-like thing. I ran at Christopher and threw my arms around his neck. His arms closed around me and he lifted me a bit of the ground, spinning me around gently. The gentle way he touched me suddenly reminded me of another set of arms, colder and harder, but just as gentle. Pain shot through my chest, and I immediately tore away from Christopher.

Christopher shot me a confused look, but before he could say anything, the door opened again and there was Mr. North, his eyes twinkling in the dim light. I wrapped my arms casually around myself and tired to hold my chest together. Damn it, I thought I had gotten better. Well, guess one couldn't heal completely in only five days. It didn't look like anyone else had noticed my little freak out as they all started talking at once.

"What did the audience think?

"What did _you _think?"

"Did anyone ask about us afterwards?"

"Wow, hold your horses!" he laughed merrily and put his arms in front of him like he was shielding himself from an attack. "I don't think I have to tell you that you did the best debut anyone can ever hope for, and you got noticed, thats for sure!"

"Blonde, are you OK?" Johnny suddenly asked out of nowhere. He had noticed me clutching my chest for dear life.

"Yeah, just a bit cold," I lied, hoping he would believe me. Mr. North said that we should probably get inside, so Christopher held the door open for us as Mr. North led the way in. He tried to catch my eye as I walked past him, but I pretended I didn't see it and followed Amanda inside. Wanting to get some alone-time to collect myself, I said I needed to use the bathroom. As soon as I had locked the door behind me, I fell down on my knees and started to hyperventilate.

"Calm down, breath slowly," I told myself. The key was to keep breathing, and in under a minute, the hole in my chest had stopped tearing at me, and I could breath easier, thanks to the memories of standing on the stage. I focused on that happy memory, pushing all other thoughts aside, and after another minute, I was back to normal, or as normal as a person with two giant holes in their chest can be. I arose from the bathroom floor and looked at myself again in the mirror above the sink.

"Right now, you have to be blond, musician-Bella, not the broken-Bella," I told myself sternly, but it wasn't easy. That touch had awoken so many memories, and most of all the longing and the pain. I missed _him, _I realized. Him and Jake. Oh what I would have done to have Jake here, celebrating with me. I pressed my head against the sink and I felt one single tear fall down my check.

"I suppose I will always feel alone and abandoned," I whispered to no one in particular. "No matter how much I like the band, Christopher and Mr. North." They could never fill the holes in my chest. Music could fill some part of them, but I would never be absolutely fine.

"Blonde!" Johnny was banging at my door. "Get out here, there we are going celebrating."

I turned on the water and splashed some in my face.

"OK, I'm coming," I called back and straightened my cloths. I was ready to face the world again. So I plastered a big smile on my face and walked out of the bathroom.

"So where are we going?"

***

We went this big restaurant in the middle of Seattle, and we toasted for Seattle Sirens, the band that was going to rock the world. Everyone drank champaign, except Amanda and I, and we ate so much food that I felt like a stuffed turkey when we had finished. It was fun and easy hanging out with the band, Mr. North and Christopher, even though Christopher kept sending me strange glances now and than, like he was trying to figure me out. I hoped he would stop doing that before he got too deep and saw that I was broken through and through.

Mr. North told us that a number of music magazines and some news papers had taken pictures of our performance and that we shouldn't be too surprised if there stood something about us in magazines like Hard Core (Washington states own music magazine) and the Seattle Times.

"They got some good shots of you throwing your guitar around Bella," Mr. North smiled and winked at me. I was a bit confused then. I hadn't been throwing my guitar around, had I?

"Yeah Blonde, where did you learn to do that?" Jack said, his eyes shining with something that looked like admiration. Wait, Jack was admiring something I had done with a guitar. Can anyone say backwards?

"I´m sorry, but I don't know what you're all talking about," I said confused, but it seamed like the others thought I was just playing modest or something, so Johnny and Jack just punched my arm and then they all continued talking. I shrugged. Well, I'd have to wait for the pictures tomorrow then to see what they had meant.

We sat until the restaurant closed, talking away and the others drinking. Jack and Johnny got a bit tipsy, so Christopher said he would drive them home, Jack and Johnny are room mates. A sleek, black convertible rolled up and picked up Allen, it was Rebecca driving it of course. She didn't even say so much as a little "hi" to Amanda and me, just nodded politely to Christopher and Mr. North. I understood why Amanda didn't like her now, Rebecca was sickly jealous. I also had the distinct feeling that Amanda had some kind feelings for Allen. I hoped this whole thing wouldn't turn ugly.

Amanda wasn't staying this night, she had to get home. The thought of being alone scared me a bit, and after my "relapse", I was sure I would have a bad night. Perhaps it was for the best that I was alone tonight, I didn't want Amanda to see who screwed-up I really was.

Seattle was beautiful at night. I looked at my cell, and the numbers on the display told me that it was well over midnight. The studio was just a twenty minutes walk away, so I said goodbye to Mr. North and Amanda, plugged in my iTouch and walked into the night.

It was peaceful, just walking. There was some people in the streets, but as I walked further and further away from all the major pubs and night clubs, I suddenly found myself alone, walking under the full moon. I didn't want to go inside, to face the nightmare I was sure would come, so when I came to my street, I just continued walking. I walked and walked, not knowing where I was going, thinking as little as I could, concentrating on the low music in my ears.

The sun started to rise in the horizon before I finally locked myself into the record label, took the elevator to the third floor, looked myself into my apartment, and collapsed on my bed. Blissfully, all I dreamt about was stars. Stars and endless streets, just walking and walking, moving through space and time.

I was dragged out of my disturbing dream by someone trying to break my door. I sat up groggily, hearing the intensely annoying banging on my front door.

"Ok, I am awake!" I yelled, still sleepy. I thought Mr. North had given us the day of today. Who could it be molesting my door, and why? Dragging myself out of ht bed, still dressed in the clothes I had wore the night before, I walked to the door and opened.

"Christopher, I.." Christophers face was so filled with pure happiness, I had to take a step back to look at him. He was almost vibrating with joy.

"Blonde," he said. "Meet me in band studio D in ten minutes." Then he just turned his back on me and skipped, no I am NOT kidding, skipped down the hallway and into the elevator. I closed the door and turned around slowly.

"This better not be some kind of stupid joke," I muttered as I started to peal of my now wrinkled clothes on my way to the bathroom to take a quick shower, hoping it would wake me up.

Getting out of the shower, I just tossed my hair up in a messy bun, put on a pair of black, short harem pants and the SPERO t-shirt I had bought the first day. For the first time, I bothered to glance at the watch on the microwave. 10.06 in the morning!? Oh, this better be good, or I'd be really irritated.

It was actually really good. When I walked into band studio D, I was met by a double paged-sized picture of me, tossing my guitar over my shoulder in a really impressive way, my hair blowing away from my face. I looked really cool, and I looked complete. I didn't look broken or nuts, or like I had puked only twenty minutes before that picture was taken. Amanda stood beside me on the picture, looking like she was having the time of her life, Jack was looking at me to, smiling. Allen looked like he was in his own, little drum-world and Johnny was looking at him, a crazy look in his eyes.

"We got two pages. TWO pages in the Hard Core!" Jack was jumping up and down while I looked at the picture, stunned. It was me in the picture, but not me at all. It was the blond-Bella, the one that could do anything. Amanda tore the magazine out of my hands and started to read out loud, her voice almost an octave higher that usual.

"_The Music Box has always offered a variety of new bands and artists that wants to put there name out there, but it's been a long time since something like Seattle Sunrise has rocked that little stage. _

_Looking pretty normal and low-key, the band surprises the audience when the hauntingly beautiful voice of Isabella "Bella" Swan makes the room go quiet, and captivates the audience from the first note. It is clear that Swan has written the lyrics to the songs, as she shears her thoughts of life, love and loss with the audience, singing with the intensity and feeling that so many main-stream artists have lost, or don't ever bother to find anymore. _

_Bass player Amanda Philips and guitar player Jack Carter are, like Swan, natural and hones in their performance, and not to mention good musicians. Drummer Allen Promfry is as steady as a train behind the drums, but still looking like what he's playing is the easiest thing in the world. Johnny Dean is the composer and plays the keyboard, and it's easy to see that he's the leader of the band as he keeps everyone in line, and playing just as beautiful as Swan sings. _

_Will Seattle Sunrise soon be the band on everyones lips? Well, only time will show, but one thing is for sure. Like Swan sings in their las song for the evening, this is just he beginning. Seattle Sunrise is a fresh breeze in the music scene of Seattle."_

I stared at the magazine, not comprehending what Amanda had just read.

"It's a little article about us in the Seattle Times that''s just as good, and the video clip we posted on youtube has been sean by more than five thousand people, just in a couple of hour," Christopher said, still glowing with that same happiness. Some part of me was a bit upset about being on youtube, but the shock of the great press we had gotten was taking up more space in my mind and drowning out everything else.

"But that's not all," Mr. North said, I hadn't even seen him before now. He was smiling too, just like everyone else. I looked up at him. How could it get better than this.

His smile widened.

"We got a job, and it's a really good one."

* * *

Song: Just the Beginning by Damhnait Doyle

Yey, another chapter! Than you all so much for reading my story, please review!

Also, a lot of people ask me if there is going to be something between Bella and Christopher, and all I can tell you, is that he's a bit in love with her. Next chapter, I think, will be six months forward in time, when the job is done. Can anyone guess what kind if job it is?

~B4E


	13. Chapter 13

_Hey everyone! So sorry about the wait, I had a bitt of writers block I'm afraid. Still not totally over it, but I managed to write this chapter and start on the next one. As usual, I know my english is a mess, so pleas forgive me, and correct me if you want to, I appreciate it! Edward will be in the next chapter=) _

_**Chapter 13: We Made It**_

We were walking the red carpet at a world premier of a movie, in Hollywood. I couldn't believe it, it was just so far beyond anything anyone could ever had imagined. Six moths ago, we had just been a little band in Seattle, trying to make out way into the world of music. I had just been a broken little girl. Now, we were going to be in a movie, a real, high budget, Warren Brothers produced movie. Not that anyone knew that we were the band behind most of the song in the movie or that we were in it, the whole thing had been kind of a secret because the director of the movie, Daniel Howie, wanted us to be a surprise, a band few people had heard of.

And he had picked us.

He had been at the Music Box the night we had played, and _Just the Beginning_ had "spoken" to him (or something), so he had called mr. North first thing in the morning, and asked if we would like to be a part of his movie project. We'd all gone to a meeting with Daniel later that day and he had told us about the movie.

"You see, it's about this girl, Sally, who has always been "the perfect little angel". She has great marks, goes to church with her parents every Sunday, does as she is told and all that. Her parents are christians and really strict, and she has this older sister that has totally rebelled agains their parents regime and finally runs away. Anyway, Sally falls in love with this guy that's a real troublemaker, but he is so kind to her, and there are reasons why he behaves like he does. So in the end, she has to choose, family or the person she loves."

I could feel my holes starting to rip themselves open again, but I refused to let that stop me. This was such a great opportunity, I would NOT let my brokenness ruin the bands chance of something this big.

"So, where do we come in?" Amanda asked, sitting at the edge of her chair in excitement. Daniel smiled at her. He was a tall, dark haired man in his early 40s. He had a big stomach that made him look a bit like santa, and his eyes were kind, like a labrador.

"Well, this older sister, her name is Melanie, is secretly in a band, and she runs away with them to become a singer. The band will be you guys, and Isabella..."

"Bella," Amanda, Jack, Johnny, Allen and I all said together.

"Or Blondie," Christopher laughed.

"Ok, Bella then, you will play the big sister, don't worry,"he said when he saw that I was about to protest. "You will only do one or two scenes where you actually have to do some acting. The rest are just clips of the band preforming at different places, and some voice acting for phone calls."

I shook my head.

"But mr. Howie..."

"Daniel please."

"Daniel, I am absolutely sure that I will be really bad at acting. I mean, voice-over, sure, I can do that. And preforming with the band, no ..." I looked at him, desperation clear on my face. He had to be joking, I couldn't act, I had always been a bad actor.

"I mean, do I look like an actor?" I finished, looking at the others for support, but they were all just smiling like idiots again.

"Bella," Daniel said, a fire in his eyes. "Acting isn't that hard, you just have to let go. It's one scene, I promise you, we can shoot it as many times as you like. It's just the scene when you leave your home. You'll have like three or four lines, top."

In the end, I had, against my better judgment, said yes.

I had really sucked, just like I'd told them I would. The scene was kind of chaotic, because I would be running around the house, stuffing things in my bag and then have a little conversation with Sally, (played by a really sweet actor named Jenny Lee, who was actually older than me. Scary hu?) and then the band would drive up outside "my house", and "my mother" would tell me that if I left now, I wasn't a part of the family anymore. Then, I would kiss Sally on the head and tell her that I was only a phone call away if she ever needed me, and then I would turn and leave, my guitar in one hand and a bag of stuff in the other, never to look back.

They were all really patient with me, and on the 5th take, I felt a bit safer, so I tried not to play the part, but to_ be _the part. Of course, I ruined everything by starting to cry when I told Sally that I would always bee there for her and I was just a phone call away. But Daniel loved it, so it was wrap. The rest of the tings we had to do for the movie, the four songs we were going to preform and record was just a stroll in the park, and the voice-recordings, that was supposed to be Sally and Melanie talking together, wasn't that bad.

We had to make three new songs for the movie, and Just the Beginning was going to be used as the ending-credits music. So you can say that the las, six moths had been a bit intense, but most of all really fun. We had actually written about 15 songs all together now, amazing or what? We had recorded them all and, hopefully, we were going to give out our first album when the movie came out in two months. Album title? Yeah, we really had to figure that out...

"This is just so unreal," Amanda muttered as she grabbed Jacks hand and started walking down the red carpet, a sour glance at Rebeccas death-grip on Allens arm. I just nodded as Christopher hooked his left arm with my right, and Johnny his right arm with my left. The press were everywhere, filming, taking photos and doing interviews. I thanked the heavens that Mr. Norths daughter, Caroline, had found nice clothes for everyone and done my hair and make-up. Caroline wanted to be a designer, and she was really good at making normal, boring people (me) look like superstars, it was just amazing.

I was currently wearing a knee-length, strop-less silk and cotton dress with a black leather belt under my chest and black stilettos. My hair was professionally curled and Caroline had pined it up in a messy, stylish way, a few blond curls hanging down here and there. My lips were as red as my dress, and I wore black eye make-up. The result of all this, was that I looked even paler than I already was, and I felt like that hippo in the pink ballet thingy, but everyone else thought I looked good, so hey, who was I to say what I should wear?

Christopher held me tight as we met the press and the crowed, and I sighed a sigh of desperation as I tried to smile as genuinely as I could and pose for the cameras, just like mr. North and Daniel had told us al to do. The only reason I was able to stay upright in the 5 inch heals that Caroline had put me in, was that Christopher and Johnny were holding me up.

"Bella, Bella, over here!" someone screamed, and I looked over to see a woman in a fashionable blue dress, perfect heir and a microphone beckoning me to come closer. Oh no, not TV! Christopher could feel me tens up as he and Johnny dragged me over to the lady, and he laughed quietly.

"Come on Blondie, suck it up!" he whispered, and I scowled at him. Damn, he was really going to make me go through with it, wasn't he. I had begged him and mr. North to let Amanda be the spokesperson, because she was so much better than all of us when it came to things like, talking in general really. But since I was one of the "starts in the movie" as mr. North had put it, he had told me that I was going to talk to the press on the red carpet, wether I liked it or not. And that was the second reason that Christopher was escorting me...

"Bella, you look great tonight!" exclaimed the way to happy lady with the microphone, her brown eyes shining as a man in a tux with a camera on his shoulder zoomed in on us. On the camera there was an E!. Crap...

"Thank you so much," I said, trying to force a smile on my face. Christopher nudged me in the ribs. "I am so excited to be here!" I added and nudged Christopher back. I hated him right now.

"So Bella, this was your first time in a move. First time acting in general really. How was it, to be so green whit so many experienced actors?"

Wow, direct much? How to answer, how to answer...

I settled for the truth.

"Ehm, it was really terrifying to be honest. I am a terrible actor, but Jenny Lee how plays my sister was so nice and helpful, and Cathy Bree and James Dimiter who play my parents were so understanding too. Daniel Howie some how never lost fate in me, so yeah, it worked out eventually," I said, desperately trying not to ramble. This was so much worse than I had anticipated!

"But acting isn't the main thing you do in this movie, is it?" she asked, and I knew I was on safer ground.

"No, the reason I was casted, was because of the amazing bad I'm in, Seattle Sunrise," I said, my smile growing genuine for the first time since I entered the red carpet. In the six months I had worked with them, the people in North Star Records had become almost like my family to me. Renee and Charlie had visited me many times in Seattle, and they also really liked the band, mr. North and Christopher. I was so glad that my mother hadn't freaked to bad when I told her I had skipped out of high school that I cried. I had talked with Jake once more too, but that hadn't gone well at all...

"How many songs have you and your band written for the move?" asked the lady, and I had to think hard on that one. We had really not written any songs _for _the movie, we had just written songs in general, and then given them to Daniel to see if he wanted to use them or not. All the songs were for us really, not for anyone else. I looked at Johnny for help, and he smiled at me and thankfully, he answered for me.

"In the las couple of months, we have written about 15 songs. Daniel has decided to use four of them for the movie," he said. The woman looked a bit confused, so I hastily introduced both Christopher and Johnny.

"The songs that are being used in the move are Just the Beginning, Blame It On Me, Wish You Were Here and Shine," I said. The lady nodded happily, and she seemed satisfied. Finally, she was finished. Or so I thought.

"So, which of this hot guys are your guy then?" she asked and winked at me, and I chocked on my breath as I felt my knees give in under me and the ghost of the two holes in my chest started to throb. Oh no, please, don't, not on TV! Johnny hastily shifted his arm from holding my arm to put it around my waist, and in the same flowing movement brushed Christopher's arm of me.

"Blondie here is mine, of course," he said smoothly, and I looked at him shocked.

"Well, thats news to me," I muttered, and the lady laughed delighted. Thanks Johnny, you saved me there!

"Oh well, good luck with the performance you are going to do before the screening of Sally's Choice."

And then we were off again. Christopher looked amused over at Johnny for a second, then shook his head and hung back to talk with some people as Johnny and I continued down the carpet. I rested my head gently against his shoulder for a bit.

"Than you for that one Johnny. I had no idea what to answer at all," I mumbled, and he just nodded, still smiling.

"I look out for you blonde, and I know that's a touchy subject for you," he said, pressing me genlty against him with his arm as we walked into to the theater. A man in a black suit and a ear-peace-thing stuck in his right ear waved us into a side door.

Amanda, Allen and Jack were already in the really nice wardrobe we had been given to warm up before we went on stage to kick of the world premier of Sally's Choice. Amanda was so excited, she could barely stand still.

"Oh Bella, they are going to broadcast it live on MTV, can you believe it?" Amanda ranted, walking back and forth with her bass in her hands, absentmindedly warming up her fingers. I could feel the bile rising in my troth at the thought. We had done a lot for recording in the last few months, and a couple of pretend-concerts while filming the movie, but to say that we had a lot of on-stage experience, would be down right lying.

"Amanda.." I warned, but she was to busy rambling to hear me.

"There are going to be thousand of people watching us, oh Bella this is it, this is going to be our one shot at getting our name out. Seattle Sunrise are... Bella?"

I was in the bathroom saying hi to my lunch again before Amanda had the chance to finish her sentence, and I could hear Jack saying: "That's less then 15 minutes before we go on stage, pay up!" So they had been making bets on weather I would throw up before I went on stage or not. Nice. I counted to five, and as I expected, I could hear the familiar "swhap, swhap, swhap" and "owh, shit, christ!" as Amanda slapped the three juvenile guys at the back of their heads.

I heard the door open, and the unmistakable steps of Christopher entering.

"Ok, so you are all warmed up, Blonde has puked and Amanda has slapped the rest of you. Good, we are officially ready," he said, a smile in his voice. I flushed the toilet and Christopher gave me bottle of water, which I used to rinse my mouth out thoroughly.

"Christopher..." I started when I had checked my make-up and hair in the mirror, but he cut me of before I got the chance to put forth my case.

"No Blonde, you can NOT make Amanda talk for you. Yes, we are doing Shine on stage now, no other song, and no, you can not dich the shoes," he said, somehow guessing all the things that was going through my head. Well, there was a reason he was out producer and co-manager.

Johnny who was sitting between Allen and Jack in the big couch, reached out and pulled me down on his lapp, and warped an protective arm around me. Hes touch was calming to me, because I knew he thought of me like a little sister, nothing more. The lines between us were clear as crystal, and the feeling of his warm chest against my back and his face next to mine made my breathing a bit easier.

"You are going to be great out there Blonde, don't worry," he said, patting my knee.

"Yeah, if you totally screw up, we can just get Amanda to start stripping. Then no-one will notice," Jack said, and I couldn't help but smile as the rest started laughing, Amanda included. We were sadly enough talking from experience...

"Seattle Sunrise to the stage," a female voice said over the intercom.

Allan and Jack, who sat on ether side of me, took my arms and dragged me to my feet as Johnny stood up behind me, and Amanda put a hand in front of her, palm down. Christopher instantly put his hand on top of hers, then Allen's, Jack's, mine, Johnny's and Amanda's again. She looked up at us, smiling that big smile of hers that made you smile too, if you wanted to or not.

"Ok, guys, we are the cooles most awesome band ever, and we are so going to do our best performance ever tonight, right?" God, I was so scared. What if I made a total fool out of myself. I could feel my hands starting to tingle a bit, they were going to cold like they always did when I was nervous, but the heat of the band's hands on my left hand, and Johnny's hand holding my right kept them warm, and the huge grins on everyones faces sucked me into a safe place.

A place where I had never been broken, where I didn't have two giant holes in my chest. Where I hadn't left everything I had ever known in order to get away from the biggest mistake of my life, where I hadn't disappointed my parents by not finishing High School, where I hadn't bleached my hair blond because I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror.

"Hell yeah," I muttered as everyone said something too, and then we all said: "One, two, three, GO!" and as we said "go" we hoisted our hands up in the air. And just like that, I felt like we could all face a flock of angry dragons. I could do this.


	14. Chapter 14

_Hi every one! So here is a new chapter, and yes it is an Edward chapter. I hope you like it =)I thought this was a really hard one to do, because I havn't read four books from Edwards prespective, and don't feel like I know him the way I kind of know Bella. But oh well, I had to give it a go, this story was suffering from NEE-syndrom, (Not Enough Edward).  
_

_Song: Shine by Anna Nalick_

**Chapter 14: Shine**

It was a mistake to come home, I knew it the moment I stepped inside the house yesterday. But I had to check in with Esme and Carlisle from time to time. I knew they were hurting because of my decision to leave Forks, to leave Bella. They all were. Both because they missed Bella and because I couldn't stand to be close to them, listening to them worrying about me and thinking about Bella all the time. Not that I wasn't thinking of Bella constantly anyway. I would think of her face, the way her lips curled when she was smiling, the way her voice sounded when she said "Hello" to me. God, I missed her.

"Hello everyone!" a way to familiar voice said from somewhere in the house. It was a bit different than her usual voice, but it was defiantly hers. My Bella.

No, it couldn't be, she was home in Forks, safe! I jumped up from my sofa and raced through the house, searching for the source of the sound. If I'd had had pulse, it would have been racing like mad.

I stopped dead as I entered the TV-room. Every single member of my family was siting on or in front of the large leather sofa, there eyes fixed on the massive TV-screen that covered the west wall. They were looking at some kind of concert, the crowd was screaming now. All their minds were a mess, but one sentence was repeated over and over again in all of their heads:

"It's Bella. It's Bella."

The camera zoomed in on a beautiful blond girl on the stage. She had a little red dress on that fit her tiny frame perfectly, and her high heels made here legs look miles long. There was something all too familiar about her.

"So, how are you all doing tonight?" the girl said with a shaky voice, and it was Bellas voice. My shy, brown-haired Bella was talking whit those velvet lips. I was in total shock as the girl, Bella, smiled when the audience clapped and screamed. I blocked out everything but the TV-screen and the sound it made as I fell to my knees, just gawking.

"Well, I know you are all looking forward to Daniel Howies new movie, Sally's Choice, and in 10 minutes or so, you'll all get you will." She paused for a moment as another round of applause drowned out all other sound. She was a bit nervous, you could tell by the way her jaw was tensing and her voice was shaking. But it wasn't that shaky, so I doubted anyone else would notice.

"As you may know, my band and I were asked to participate in this movie, and we have all had a great time, writing music and acting." She stopped for a sec to clear her throat loudly, and the the camera zoomed in on a movie star sitting on the front row, laughing. Bella smiled at her and winked, yes I said WINKED, at her before she continued, more steadily now. "We would like to thank Warren Brothers, Daniel Howie and everyone else who gave us an opportunity to be in this movie, and was patient with me when I did my first peace of acting ever."

As the audience applauded, the camera zoomed in on the middle-aged, dark-haired director how blew a kiss to Bella as he smiled.

"We, Seattle Sunrise, have been given the honorable job of kicking of this premier by preforming one of our songs, so for the first time ever outside North Star Records, written by Amanda, Johnny, Jack and Allen.. " she said, and was interrupted by a dark-haired girl with a base-guitar.

"Actually, this song was written by the rest of the band to Blondie-Bella here, because she is just the most brilliant person ever, and we love her!" The audience laughed as the base-player placed a kiss on Bellas check, leaving a red kiss-mark that almost melted into her beautiful blush. Bella shouted something at the base player, away from the microphone. In response to what ever she had said, the drummer threw a drum-stick at her that narrowly missed.

It was amazing, she was so different. But for all her smiling and laughing, something was wrong, I could just feel it. The smile never really reached her eyes, and her laughter wasn't as free and careless as it had once been. What had happened to her? She was supposed to be fine now, away from me.

A stage-worker brought her a well-used half-acoustic guitar, and for the first time since I had seen her and heard everything she had said to the crowed, it hit me. She was on TV to sing. SING! AND she was in a movie. I had no idea that she could sing, or play the guitar for that matter. What had happened to my Bella?

"Ladies and and gentlemen, this song is called Shine," she said into the microphone. The theater went quiet as Bella closed her eyes.

Then she opened her mouth and sang.

_Oh the night_

_Makes you a star and it holds you_

_Cold in it's arms_

_Your the one to whom nobody verses I love you, _

_Unless you say it first. _

_So you lye there_

_Holding your breath and it's strange_

_How soon you forget that you're like starts._

_They only shows up when it's dark._

_Cos they don't know their worth. _

_And I think you need to stop following miseries lead, _

_Shine away, shine away, shine awa-a-ay. _

_Isn't it time you got over, _

_how fragile you are. _

_We've all waited, _

_Waited on your super nova. _

_Cos thats who you are and you've only_

_Begun to shine. _

_There are times when_

_the poets and porn-stars aline and_

_you don't know who to believe in, _

_well that's a good time to be leaving. _

_And your past_

_comes knock on your door and throw stones at your window_

_at to in the morning well maybe_

_he thinks it's romantic, his crazy_

_but you knew that before. _

_And I think you need to stop following miseries lead, _

_Shine away, shine away, shine awa-a-ay. _

_Isn't it time you got over, _

_how fragile you are. _

_We've all waited, _

_Waited on your super nova. _

_Cos thats who you are and you've only_

_Begun to shine. _

_Won't you shine, shine shine, shine over shadow_

_Oh, oh_

_Shine, shine, shine, shine over shadow_

_Oh, oh_

_Shine, shine, shine, shine over_

_And I think you need to stop following miseries lead, _

_Shine away, shine away, shine awa-a-ay. _

_Isn't it time you got over, _

_how fragile you are. _

_We've all waited, _

_Waited on your super nova. _

_Cos thats who you are and you've only_

_Begun to shine._

_Yeah you've only begun to shine!_

It was a Bella I had never dreamed of could exist. She was so different, both in appearance and in her actions, but still the same. She seamed more confident when she sang, but it was apparent that she was the same, shy girl she had always been when she didn't have a guitar to hold on too or something to sing.

Her voice was amazing. Sure, it wasn't the strongest vocal I had ever heard, but it was more than that. It was something about the way she sang. The way she listened to the music as she sang, and she meant every word she uttered. She was a part of the music, not the self-proclaimed diva that some of the singers of today was.

On stage, she was more an actor than just a singer. Her face enforced the feelings of the song, just like she would have done if she had spoken the words to another person. Nothing about her performance looked forced or nu-natural. On stage, she was at home with her band, sharing her feelings with whom ever wanted to listen.

"Bella can sing," Jasper said quietly, breaking the silence.

"Bella is blond," Alice said, shock clear in her voice. She must have kept her promise of not looking into Bella's future.

"Bella is in a movie," Emmett stated, stunned. Wait, what?

"Bella is BLOND" Alice shrieked, jumping out of the couch in one fluent motion and before I had a chance to react, I was lying on the floor, straddled by a crazy and extremely angry little monster.

"This is ALL your fault you stupid, know-it-all vampire!" she screamed at me as punches rained down on me like a million of hard baseballs. "You left her, and now she is blond for crying out loud!" Under all the shock I felt and the mumbo-jumbo that was my feelings, I still manged to feel slightly amused that Bella's hair color was the thing that annoyed her the most.

"She has got a good life now, she is..." I started, but an animalistic growl cut me off.

"Don't you dear tell me she is fine! Cut the crap Edward, I know her better than that," she hissed through clenched teeth. "_You_ know her better than that."

Alice had stopped punching me, and , and I closed my eyes as I let the events of the past five minutes sink in over me.

Bella had been skinnier than when I had left her. In the world of celebrities, she looked like any other "to-small-to-be-real" star. But to be my Bella, she was sickly thin.

Then, it was her eyes. Just thinking about them made me wince internally. They weren't the brilliant, full of life brown eyes I knew and loved. They weren't bottomless wells anymore. They were filled with so many emotions, that I couldn't pick you one of them. But they told me very clearly that she wasn't the happy, life-loving girl I had abandoned in Forks.

I had broken her.

But at the same time, she seamed better than ever, rocking out on stage, being in a movie. That was what every girl dreamed about, wasn't it?

"_Since when had Bella ever been like "every girl?" _my mind whispered to me gently.

I looked over at the TV screen, and someone had frozen the picture, and Bella. She wasn't great, I could see that. Put this was better for her than a life in constant danger. I had made the right choice.

Alice huffed, and my focus automatically shifted to her. Her mind was a mess, but one thought came through clearer than any other.

"_Screw you Edward."_

Then, she was gone. Just a couple seconds later, I could hear the engine of Carlisles mercedes purr to life and shoot out of the driveway in an alarming speed, even for a vampire. Where the hell was she going? Oh dear God, let her just be driving out some steam, and not driving too... Shit, shit, SHIT!


	15. Chapter 15

_Well everyone, here is the next chapter. I hope, as always, that you'll all like it, and please review. I am going to rewrite all of my previous chapters in the not so distant future, to improve some of the spelling and writing in general. If anyone wants to give me a hand, please, do not hesitate to contact me. I need all the help I can get._

_Enjoy! _

_**Chapter 15: Not Funny!**_

"I can't believe Daniel did that!" Amanda said to me as we walked over to cab. It was the morning after the big premier, and everything had been a wild bluer of people, cameras and utter astonishment. Press had been flocking me like bees around a jar of honey, because of Daniels clever little trick. I didn't know if I wanted to strangle him for what he had done, or applaud him for his extraordinary imagination.

"I know," I muttered, trowing my bag in the trunk of the cab. "He actually filmed me when I was doing the voice-over! That..." I had no words for it, it was just too much to take in. Instead of me having just a minor part in the movie, like Daniel originally had told me I would be, he had made my character almost as important as the two lead roles by filming me when I "called" Sally. Looking back, I could see that he had been planing it for a while.

He had insistent on us recording everything in authentic environments, which meant that I had been in costume and make-up in the back of a mini-van, back-stage on a concert and on a balcony (in that order), on the phone with Jenny Lee, aka Sally, doing my lines. They had told me that the camera was just to help with the music or something, nothing to worry about. Stupid me, why had I ever trusted that guy?

"I have on idea why you are complaining Blonde," Jack said, a huge grin still on his face. Hadn't he stopped smiling since yesterday? "You know what, you're a real nut-case. It's every girls dream to be in a movie, every _normal _girls dream." He dumped his bag on top of mine, closely followed by Johnny and Allen.

"Then I am a nut-case," I told them glumly. "But on the other side, one must be insane to be in a band with you four."

"Aw, come on Blonde! Did you even read the movie review?" Johnny said as he opened the cardoor for Amanda and I. It was one of those mini-vans with seven seats so we had plenty of room for the five of us. Mr. North and Christopher had left las night because of an important meeting, and Rebecca had stayed behind to do some shopping so we had taken the plain home by our self.

I gave a short, angry grunt in response. "No, I why would I do that? I don't care what they think, I'm never EVER doing that again. It was a one time thing, and it's only because Daniel is insanely good at his job that I didn't look like a total idiot on the screen," I told them as we all got in and the car started to move.

Allen, who was sitting behind me, coughed like he was about to hold a big speech of some sort, so I turned around to stop him when I saw that he was holding a film magazine in his hands, the cover showing a big picture of Jenny Lee, here male loveinterestt in the movie, Nicholas Speardon, and...

Me... Oh man.

" Many have speculated on if Daniel Howis newest movie, Sallys Choice, we be the make or the break of his career, and after yesterdays premier of the movie, the voting is unanimous. Sallys Choice is the best movie of Howies career as an director. Even though the idea itself isn't the most original, Howies has an eye details, and he is an expert in casting.

Even though both Jenny Lee as Sally, and Nicholas Speardon as Jamie did a wonderful job, it was the newcomer Isabella "Blonde" Swan in the role of Sallys older, rebellious big sister, Melanie, who captured the audience heart. The 18 year old had never done any kind of acting before, and had only been in a band for a week when she, at her first performance with the band Seattle Sunrise, caught Howies attention.

"It was the way the way she preformed her songs. She wasn't just singing a song, she was telling you something about herself, about the world around her through the music. The band was so alive on the stage, and I just knew I wanted her, and them, in Sallys Choice," Howie told our reporter on the red carpe right before the great opening. "But I have to say I am a bit nervous about her seeing the movie," he admitted. It turns out that he had told Swan she was only to be in one scene, but when he saw how talented she was, he had tricked her into recording more scenes, without her knowledge. Well, everyone who has seen the movie, will thank Howie for this trick, because Swan was, for lack of a better word to describe it, spotless.

The relatively unknown band Seattle Sunrise, where Swan is the lead singer, was responsible for most of the music, which was truly inspiring and fresh. The band is releasing their firs album in a month, and the world is eager to hear more from Seattle Sunrise and Isabella Swan."

It felt like I had turned red from head to toe, I was so embarrass! It had to be a joke, a prank of some sort. I leaned over my seat to snatch the magazine from Allens hands.

"Yeah right, it doesn't say that," I mumbled as I ripped it violently from his hands, scanning over the page he had been reading. No way... It was there, every word with a big picture of Seattle Sunrise and one of just me on the side.

If I had been in shock before, it was nothing to how I felt now. My hands started to shake as I lowered the magazine, and saw that four people were looking at me, laughter not far away.

"They liked us," I whispered, disbelief thick in my voice. "The liked..."

The driver stamped on the breaks out of pure reflex as Allen, Johnny, Amanda and Jack barked out a loud, kind of manic laughter. I don't know who was the most angry one, the driver or me. This wasn't funny! I didn't want to be a movie star. I just wanted to have fun with my music, nothing more. Now, they were excepting me to endure more acting. People might recognize me on the streets!

"Guys, it's not funny!" I tried to tell them, but they just laughed even harder at my angry tone.

After a few more tries, I gave up on them, and decided that the best way to handle them, would be to ignore them completely, so I plugged in my iPod and, closed my eyes, effectively shutting out all the laughter and teasing comments.

Where had I lost control of my life? I felt like all of a sudden, I was in a train that had gotten of track with no way to get back. When I had moved to Seattle, I had at least known what I was going to. But this movie, it hadn't been something I hadn't wanted to do from the start, but I'd done it for the band. Sure, I had thought it would be a good way to promo the band, and the thought of Seattle Sunrise to be a band that maybe a few people knew of had not been that terrifying. But this much attention, it was to much.

"But it hadn't been that bad," a little voice in my head piped up truthfully. "It was fun singing in front of such a big crowed. The movie was really good, and you were a big part of why that movie was so good." I snorted internally at that. I hadn't recognized myself at first when I'd seen me on the screen after talking with Sally. I had thought that they had hired an real actor to do my part, but when they zoomed in on the actors brown eyes, I saw that it was me. I had almost fainted there and then.

As I was thinking, a song began to form itself inside my head. I had to take control of my life, yes, but everything that had happened might not be as bad as I had thought...

I stopped the song that was playing on my iPod and took out the earbuds. To my utter astonishment, the car was silent. I could hear Allens deep breathing behind me, it sounded like he and Amanda were sleeping behind me, while Jack was listening to his iPod too, looking absentmindedly out of the window. My gaze finally rested om Johnny, who was playing some game on his phone. Like he could feel my gaze, he looked up and met my eyes, first questioningly, but then knowingly.

What the...?

He leaned forward in his seat, so he was nearer to the driver.

"Hey pal, you can just dich us all at the record label," he told him confidently, winking at me.

"What the hell Johnny!" mumbled Amanda sleepily. "We are just about dead on our feet, and you want us to go to the studio?" By then Allen had woken up too, and he was looking intently at me.

"It's no use Amanda. Blonde has gotten an idea, and if she doesn't get it out now, she's going to burst," he said, patting Amanda apologeticly on the head. Amanda let out a big, overdramatic sigh and slumped back into her seat.

"Fine then..."

I looked over at Johnny, then at Allen.

"How did you know?" I asked them. To my surprise, it was Jack who answered.

"Oh Blonde, you're like an open book," he said, and I felt the words sink in. Remembering that one guy had actually found me hard to read. It hurt somewhere deep in my chest, but I didn't have wrap my arms around myself anymore to keep the whole in my chest from tearing me in two. Progress was a good thing.

_So there it is. If you wonder where Alice went off to, then you'll just have to wait for the next chapter. It's a longer one, I promise. _

_~B4E_


	16. Chapter 16

_Well, here is a nother one=) Hope you like it. The song is Steer by amazing Missy Higgins_

_**Chapter 16: Steer**_

It was crazy of me, coming to Seattle to find Bella. But I had to. I sill considered her to be something between my best friend in the whole world and a sister, and even if Edward wanted to delude himself into believing that fame and fortune was everything she needed to happy, I did not. I had read on a blog somewhere that the whole band had gone back to Seattle after the premier of Sallys' Choice, and after a quick phone call to Charlie and a couple of assurances that I was the only one form the Cullen family that was coming to visit, I had gotten a hold of the address to North Star Records.

How could I have known Bella as well as I had know her, as I knew her, and not even suspect that she had this side to her? I hadn't gotten around to watch her movie yet, I had driven non stop from New York to Seattle. It was two days since her TV- appearance, and the latest vision I'd had of her, was of her in a studio singing into a microphone. I could hear the music, but not the lyrics. Guess she wasn't finished with it them. The most annoying thing was that I couldn't see her reaction to seeing me again. It was my own fault, I hadn't made up my mind about if I was going to just spy on her or approach her. What if Edward was right after all?

I shook that thought out of my head at once. I had stopped trust his judgment the day he decided to leave Bella.

My mind still not completely made up, I got out of Carlisles car and started to walk down the street. At the end of the it, I turned right, on to the street where North Star Records had their studio.

It was a nice place, calming and welcoming. Funny, I couldn't picture Bella in the world of over luxurious, high profiled record studios where everything was stressing and hurried. But this, this was more like coming into someones home. As I stood in the middle of the nice reception, I could hear faint music filtering through the sound-proof walls, too faint for human ears. I took a deep breath, and I could faintly smell the familiar sent Bella. I was really going to do this...

Charlie had told me that Bella lived on the top most floor of the studio, but a vision showed me that if I went that way, I wouldn't find here. No, she was somewhere else...

"Excuse me miss, can I help you?"

I opened my eyes, and saw a black-haired, fair skinned young woman looking at me from a door on the far side of the reception, the one that had claimed it led to the studios. She seamed nice, and suddenly I remembered that she had been the base player in Bellas band. Well, she probably knew where Bella was. I put on one of my most dazzling smiles, and walked over to her.

"Hi, yes," I said in a bright and warm tone, and I could she that the woman instantly relaxed. "My name is Alice, and I'm an old friend of Bella." I watched as her face first turned into confusion, and the sudden comprehension. Had Bella told her about me? About us? I hoped so, that would make it so much easier to find her.

"Oh yes, Alice. Blonde has told me so much about you!" she said, taking a step forward and closing the door behind her. Blonde? That had to be a nick-name for Bella or something. I could feel my temper slowly rising when I thought of the fact that Bella was now BLOND. One thing was for sure, if she didn't completely hated me now, I was going to make her color her hair back to that beautiful, mahogany-brown hair that was her natural hair color.

"I'm Amanda," the woman, Amanda said, and offered me her hand, which I shook briefly. "I'm in Blondes band." Then her brows furrowed.

"She didn't tell me you were visiting. Did you arrange to meet, because she has an hour or so left in the studio, we just wrote a new song, and it's tradition not leave the studio until it's finished," she said apologeticly, looking down at her writs-watch. So she was in the studio. That was good news, at least she was here, and not off somewhere far away. I laughed a little as I shook my head.

"No, I didn't tell her. We have kind of been out of touch for half a year or so, and I was just in town for a brief visit, so I thought I'd stop by and se how she was doing," I lied, though it had some truths in it. That was the key to a good lie, I had learned many years ago. Keep to the as close to the real story as possible.

Amanda nodded, Bella had probably told her that much. Then, her eyes lit up, a grin curling her lips and showing of a row of perfect, white teeth.

"Hey, have you ever heard Blonde sing before? Live I mean?" she asked, and as she said it, I had a vision of standing in a sound booth, looking at a blond Bella through a thick glass window, her singing into a microphone. She was going to take me to the sound boot.

I should have refused. It wasn't fair to Bella for me to suddenly just be there. But I wanted to see it with my own eyes, I wanted to see how much she had changed. And I had an almost painful need to see her again.

"No, I haven't," I told her innocently, careful not to let any of my excitement show yet. Amanda smiled even more brightly than she had been, and I was glad that Bella had someone like her around.

"Come with me."

She opened the door behind her, and led me through narrow corridors. The music I had heard previously, grew stronger as we walked. Amanda stopped in front of two doors, one saying "Studio A", the other one saying "Sound Booth". She pressed one finger to her lips, indicating that I had to be quiet, then opened the door to the sound booth, and a heavy guitar riff bleared at me as we slipped inside. A man was sitting inside, his blue eyes focused on the artist standing in the studio, his long, smooth hands on literary a hand full of different buttons. He didn't show any signs of having noticed us entering, so Amanda and I leaned against the back wall, and for the firs time in months, I saw my best friend again.

Her blond hair was stuffed carelessly into a black, knitted hat, a pair of gigantic, black headphones on top of them. She was wearing faded skinny-jeans, red converses and a simple, loos-fitting, knee-length, grey t-shirt. My god, she was way to thin. Even under the loos t-shirt, I could see her shoulder bones poking out just a little bit to much, and she had lost some of that child-like roundness in her face. It hurt to see how skinny she had gotten.

Her eyes were closed, and it was obvious that she was listening to the same music we were. Drums, guitars and a bass in harmony. Then she leaned closer to the microphone, and opened her mouth.

_So hold this feeling like a newborn _

_All the freedom surging through your veins _

_You have opened up a new door _

_So bring on the wind, fire and rain _

_It was always simple, not hidden hard _

_You've been played at a game _

_Called remembering your name _

_And you stuffed it up _

_But the search ends here _

_Where the night is totally clear _

_And your heart is fierce _

_So now you finally know _

_That you control where you go _

_You can steer _

_Oh _

_And now you finally know_

_That you control where you go _

_You can steer _

_'Cause you've been listening for answers _

_Oh but the city screams and all your dreams go unheard _

_But the search ends here _

_Where the night is totally clear _

_And your heart is fierce _

_So now you finally know _

_That you control where you go _

_You can steer _

_Oh _

_And get out of the box _

_And step into the clear _

_Oh _

_Cause now you finally know _

_That you can steer_

She was good, there was no denying it. How unbelievable that our little, clumsy and shy Bella had such a strong, elegant and confident voice.

"OK Blonde, that's... actually perfect." The man at the sound board was holding down a button that was glowing orange and speaking into a little microphone in front of him. Bella smiled at him, that brilliant smile I had missed so much. It wasn't as free as it had been when I had seen her last, but it was her smile non the less.

"Naw Christopher, you have to stop being so hard on me," she joked back, her voice just a tiny bitt changed through the speakers. The man, Christopher, rolled his eyes at her, and I could feel Amanda chuckle to my left.

"Fine, if you want to do it one more time..." Bella interrupted him.

"You know what, after some consideration, I think that two hours is the limit of how long I can stay in a little box whit a man constantly chatting in my ears," she said hastily, desperation creeping up in her face. Amanda and I were standing in the shadows, so she didn't see us before Amanda took a step closer to the glass window and leaned over Christopher, her hands on his shoulders.

"I think you have endured enough torture for one day darling. Get your butt out of that studio, there is someone here to see you," she told Bella, a mischievous look on her face. Bella looked at her with confused eyes, and I saw the familiar look in her eyes, the look she always got when she was thinking hard. Amanda clicked of the glowing button, and I guessed she had turned of the connection between this room and Bellas headphones. Christopher turned around in his chair, looking over at me and clearly getting dazzled by my appearance. Vampires were good hunters.

"And you are...?" he said, gathering himself quickly. I was about to answer when the door behind me was opened, and a sent I could have picked out anywhere hit me with full power. I turned around, and looked into a brown pair of wide, shocked eyes.

"Alice?"

_Oh, what will Bella do? Well, keep reading and I will tell you. Please Review!_


	17. Chapter 17

_Better late than never, right? Here is the next chapter, anf I really hope you like it. I know my updates are slow, put it takes a lot of time for me to write all this. English is not my first language. Chapter 18 is almost done, and I am starting to see the end og this story. It will not be there soon, but in due time. _

_~B4E  
_

_**Chapter 17: Blame**_

"Alice?"

First, I thought I was just seeing things, but there was no mistaking that, short, pixie-haired, butterscotch-eyed, deathly pale vampire in front of me. Alice was here, in Seattle. In North Star Records. It had been over six months since I last saw her, and I was fascinated by how dull my memory was. She was so much more... just more Alice than I remembered.

I couldn't help myself. Before I had thought my actions through, I had closed the small distance between us and wrapped my arms tightly around her petit, but rock hard body. I breathed her in, closing my eyes and just felt her there in my arms.

It hadn't all been just a figment of my imagination, like I had almost started to believe. They had excised, and they hadn't all just left me to fend for myself in this maze that people called life.

Alice's arms folded around me, strong, cold arms that I knew so well.

"Oh Bella," she whispered. " We were such fools, all of us."

I could feel traitorous tears coming to my eyes, and I blinked them quickly away as I pulled back from her, smiling sadly. I didn't know how long she was here for, and I was not going to spend what little time we may have together crying over things that none of us could do anything about.

Over Alice's shoulder, I could see Amanda smiling, a bitt puzzled, but I had told her about about Alice, so she wasn't as unknowing as Christopher, who was staring at us in utter bewilderment. I cleared my throat and collected myself.

"Christopher, this is my... best friend from Forks, Alice Cullen," I stumbled a bit at the words "best friend", but it was still true, no matter how we parted or how long ago it was. "Alice, this is my producer and manager, Christopher Bleakly, and I guess you have already met Amanda Evens, our bass player." Alice nodded and smiled at both of them, her shining whit teeth gleaming in the dim light.

Christopher nodded contently now that he knew who my friend was. He was a bit of a control-freak really, I'd have to make him stop with that.

"Well Blonde, as I said, I think we are done for the day, and you two seem to have a lot of catching up to do, so why don't you take the rest of the day off, and we'll al meet up at The Little Coffee Shop tomorrow at ten. We have to decide on a title for the album by tomorrow it we're going to release it on time," he told me. Jupp, control-freak. But I was too shocked and happy that Alice was here to argue with him, so I just nodded, gave him and Amanda a hasty goodbye as I ushered Alice out of sound booth, led her through the corridors and out into the reception, where the elevator was waiting for us.

It was weird having Alice there behind me, trailing after me. As soon as the elevator doors closed, I turned around and everything I wanted to say rushed out of me like a the air out of a balloon.

"Oh Alice, it's so good to see you again! You have no idea how much I have missed you, all of you. How have you been, where have you been? How is Jasper, I hope he's not still blaming himself for that little accident on my birthday. How are everyone else? How..."

Alice shook her head and laughed at me. Taking my waiving arms in her own small once and squeezing them gently as the elevator doors opened again at the top floor, almost dragging me out and into the hall.

"Calm down Bella, let's get settled down a bit before you start the interrogation," she smiled in her familiar Alice-kind-of way. She knew which of the doors led to my apartment without my guidance, and walked right in, I never locked it, still holding my hands. I guess she could smell her way to it.

She put me down in my sofa, and I instantly folded my legs under me and turned so I my body was facing Alice.

She sighed.

"Well, where to start? I've been Ok, we all have I guess. We've been in Ithaca ,New York. Carlisle is working at a local hospital, and he has done some teaching too, at Cornell University. Actually, Jasper has been taking some classes there as well." She winked at me. "He's studying philosophy this time. It was that or psychology, and psychology would just be to simple for him." I laughed at the thought, and it felt so good to laugh this way again, more freely.

"I have actually done some digging into my pre-vampire past," Alice said, and I sat up straighter in anticipation.

"Really? What did you find out?" I asked, loving to hear her talking about her family, the family I had wanted to be a part of, expected to be a part of at one point. Alice stared at me intently for a couple of seconds, then she frowned at me.

"I'm sorry Bella. I'm a vampire, and my concentration is excellent. But that hair... Seriously Bella, blond?" she asked incredulously, her hand pulling gently at the hair sticking out from the hat Johnnys mother had knitted for me. I felt my good mood fading away at the thought of the original reason for my drastic change of hair color. But I didn't want to tell her that story, I was too ashamed. What if _he_ read it in her mind when she came home? Or she told Jasper. I didn't know if I could stand the shame. Amanda and Jasper hadn't judged me, but that was different. They hadn't been my ex-es sister.

I shrugged nonchalantly, trying not to show any signs of sadness or pain.

"Hey, don't hate the hair! I needed some change in my life, and my hair was the least drastic I could think of,"I told her, trying to smile jokingly. "You just be glad I didn't get a tattoo or something."

But of course, Alice was a vampire, and not as easily tricked as I had gotten used to the band, mr. North and Christopher were. Here eyes got a cold look in them, and her lips set in a stubborn way, and I knew I was going to tell her the whole story. But I had to at least try to resist.

"Bella, I know that there is something you're not telling me, and I'm going to find out what it is, so you better just tell me right now," she told me in a stern voice that made me flinch. I really, really didn't want to tell her...

I shook my head as I bit down hard on my lower lip. Looking away from her. I could feel her arm carefully wrapping itself around my shoulders, and when she continued, her voice was softer.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I won't force you, and I know that after what we, what I did to you... I no longer have the right to be this person that knows your deepest and darkest secrets. But I really hate seeing you like this. You might be able to fool everyone around you Bella, but you can't fool me. I know you, and I can see that you have been through hell and back again." She paused, and I looked up at her, astonished. She thought I was mad at her, and that's why I wouldn't tell her?

"Bella, is this all E... my brothers fault?" Her voice was almost inaudible. My last resistance to tell her crumbled there and then. I couldn't let her believe that I was mad at her or that Edward had made me the way I was. Not when it was all my own doing.

"Oh Alice," I whispered, tears building up in my eyes. "I have messed up so bad..."

I told her everything. I told her about my friendship with Jake, how I had been worried that he was putting more into our friendship than there was. I told her about the horrible night in Port Angeles, my decision afterwards and the phone call. When I was finished, I was sobbing so hard, I almost couldn't breath.

"A-and now, h-he hates m-me, and when I t-tried to c-call him again, he j-just hung u-up," I told her, drying snot and tears on a paper towel that Alice had somehow provided from nowhere. I didn't dear to look at her, I just couldn't stand to see the disgust in her face. If there was someone who had a right to be disgusted at med, it was her.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry..." Her sympathetic voice made me look up. If a vampire could cry, Alice would have been crying just like me. It made me angry.

"No," I told her, standing abruptly. Shock came into Alice's face, but I didn't let that stop me.

"You don't get to be all understanding and nice to me. I did a terrible thing Alice, a horrible thing! Edward always said that he was a monster, but he is wrong. I'm a monster, I'm the kind that person that destroy everything. I chased your family out of Forks, and I broke Jake, I..." the anger had receded a bitt, and the sobbing was taking over, making it impossible to continue my angry tirade.

Alice was in front of me in a flash, her hands on ether side of my face, forcing me to meet her eyes. Her expression was impossible to read.

"Bella, I wan't you to listen to me," she told me intently, and she shook my head gently when I tried to look away from her intense stear.

"Bella, this wasn't your fault, non of it. Do you hear me?" Her voice was so strong and certain, not a hint of disgust of doubt in her voice.

"Jake is hurting, that's why he's angry, but what happened wasn't your fault or his, it was an accident. Bella, you made a mistake, you both did. So stop hating and punishing yourself for it."

I looked at her, not believing what I was hearing.

"So you don't hate me?"

If she hadn't had super hearing, she wouldn't have heard me, but she did, and she shook her head.

"No Bella, I could never hate you," she told me, smiling sadly. It was like something loosened inside me. Something clicked into place somewhere, and tears were flowing freely. Then, she took me in her arms and held me until I cried myself to sleep on the sofa.


	18. Chapter 18

AN: I am very sorry for the slow updates, but school has to have the highest priority. I have two more chapters finished, so I will update in a little while, I promise!

Lots of Love, B4E

_**Chapter 18: Six Months**_

"Hi, it's me... I'm in Seattle... Look, I don't care what you told me... She's a mess, she think's that everything is her fault, and she needed me... Just listen, she's in the next room and she's going to wake up in an hour. I've written you an e-mail explaining everything, because honestly, I don't think that she can retell her story, God knows it was hard enough for me to write it down... You have to come here and talk to her... You two need each other... Oh just read it!"

"What a funny dream," I thought before I dozed back into a blissfully dreamless sleep.

When I woke up for real, I just lay still in my bed, breathing deeply. I hadn't felt this good since... I don't know. Not like I had felt when I had been with _him_, but maybe like I had felt right before Port Angeles, when I had started to get my life back on track and was living again. No, I was feeling better than that. Not much, but a bitt better.

I sat up carefully in my bed, blinking from the soreness in my eyes. Well, I had cried a lot last night. Then, I smiled. Alice was sitting at the end of my bed, a cup of coffee in her hands and a happy smile on her face. I wondered what the happy face was all about, then I saw that the doors to Narnia were open.

"So, did you find the lion?" I asked her as I reached for the cup, assuming it was for me because Alice sure as hell didn't drink, nor need, coffee. She looked a bit tensed and confused, then she rolled here eyes and laughed.

"Of course, trust you to name your walk-in closet after a closet in a book," she said and rolled her eyes at me. "You absolute nerd, you know that? And no, I didn't find the lion, but I have to say I'm proud of you Bella." She smiled like a proud mama. "That's actually not a bad collection of clothes you have there." I felt a warmth spread through me that hat nothing to do with the steaming cup in my hands.

"Thank you. I actually picked out everything myself," I lied. She raised one eyebrow at me. Darn it.

"Ok, so maybe Caroline picked out some of the finer outfits and the heels, but half of it is my doing, I swear," I confessed. I had missed Alice so much. It was amazing to have her here, in my apartment. But what was that little box she was holding in her hands? Alice followed my gaze, and gave me a wicked grin as she she tossed me the box.

"Bella, it's not that I think you look bad or anything, but you're a brunet," she told me sternly, and I saw that what I was now holding in my hands, was a box of mahogany-brown hair-dye.

"The hair color really bothers you, doesn't it?" I asked her, a bit smug. It was a bit fun to get under Alice's skin. She narrowed her eyes and got a pondering expression on her face.

"It looks great on you, the pictures I have seen of you in magazines have been absolutely amazing," she said, absentmindedly inching closer to me and starting to run her fingers lightly through my hair. "But it's just not... Bella. And I think it's time for you to stop hiding from the world behind a blond helmet." Her eyes were wide and innocent, too innocent. She wasn't the only one who could catch a lie.

"You just really hate it, don't you," I laughed at her. At the way her jaw clenched just I tiny bitt, I knew I was right. I was about to tell her that I was not going brown any time soon, when my phone rang, Jacks annoying voice telling me to pick up the god dam phone. It was something we had all done one of those way too late evenings when we all should have been in our respectable homes, sleeping, but we were to close to finish a song to stop. We had been at a dead end, so at one point, we had started to make personalized ringtones for each other. Whenever I called Amanda now, her phone would tell her loudly in my voice that it was Blondie calling, and she better pick up, or I might be forced to take more serious actions...

I leaned over to pick up my phone from the night stand, and of course managed to fall out of the bed at the same time. It was only because of Alice's vampiric reflexes that I didn't get hot coffee all over myself in the proses.

"Ouch," I said into the phone.

"Good morning to you too Blondie. Just as reminder, you should have been hare bout twenty minutes ago," Jack told me in a calm, mocking tone. I glanced at the on my phone, it was 10.20 am. Crap, I had over slept!

"Oh, Jack, I am SO sorry! Just give me five, ten tops, and I'll be there," I told him and hung up before he could answer. I got to my feet, and made a list in my head. I had to take a quick shower, get dressed and get down to the others. I was sure it was OK for Alice to tag along, so I turned around to tell her my plan, just to find her spot vacant. Then I heard her voice coming from Narnia.

"Go get cleaned up, I'll find something you can wear, and you'll be down there in no time," she told me, and I didn't hesitate a second to follow her command.

As the warm water hit me and woke me up, I started to think of the task ahead. The Cullen family would have to wait for just a couple of hours, until we had found a name for the album. I was still thinking hard when I came out of the shower five minutes later, and yelled a "thank you" to Alice for the small stack of clothing she had placed on the sink. I pulled on the grey tights, a singlet and the knitted, brown, long sweater that went to the middle of my thighs. I loved the sweater, which had been a gift from Reneé when she had been in town two months ago.

I pulled my hair up in a messy bun on he top of my head, and rushed out of the bathroom not bothering with make-up. Alice was standing by the door, a pair of uggs by her feet and my purse in her pale hands.

"Thank you," I said again as I stepped into my shoes and grabbed my purse. "You are an angel, did you know that?" Her face brightened as she closed the door behind us, and put her arm in my arm as we walked over to the elevator. She placed her head on my shoulder as we waited.

"I've missed you Bella," she told me silently, and I felt a lump forming in my throat.

"None of that now Alice, you're going to make me cry again," I told her, half joking, half not. "We are going to have a little meeting, down in the coffee shop just on the other side of the road. If you want to, I'm sure you can.."

"That's OK, I have some things I need to do anyway," Alice said hastily. "I'm taking a quick hunting trip, I had forgotten how mouth-watering your sent was." she said, nudging me playfully as we stepped inside the elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor.

"Oh, thank's Alice, my day isn't complete without someone telling me how eatable I am," I mumbled, and Alice laughed her high, bell like laughter. I felt something like dread slowly creeping up on me. "But you're coming back, right?" I asked her, worried.

"Of course Bella, I'll be back before the evening falls, I promise."

We said goodbye outside the label, as I crossed the street and she went to the right to find her car. A bell rang as I entered the little, cute coffee shop, which was always empty this early in the morning. The band plus Christopher were sitting at our usual spot, near the back, and they started to clap when I slide into my seat, the one between Johnny and Amanda.

"Oh shut it. I'm almost never late, so give me a break," I told them gloomily as the shop keeper, a nice man called Gustav, put my usual order in front of me; a double, skinny latte, no foam and a belgium waffle with whipped cream. Healthy? No, but it was soooo good!

"So now, that we are all here, I think it's time to start. First of all, we need to decide which songs that goes on the album. Mr. N has put the limit at 15 songs, and I know we have more than that," Christopher told us, taking a worn out, moleskin notebook out of his jacket pocket. He had to go through a couple of pockets before he found his mini-pen too, then he looked up at us, expectantly. Amanda, Jack, Allen and I in turn looked at Johnny, who was the undisputed leader of our little band.

"I knew you were all going to push this over on me," he sighed into his coffee. He took a long sip, then put the cup down and started to count on his fingers.

"The four songs that's going to be on the soundtrack of Sally's Choice, naturally, that's the songs people are going to listen for. So thats, Shine, Wish You Were Here, Just the Beginning and Blame it On Me." Johnny was now holding four finger in the air, and Christopher was jotting down the titles in his messy, unreadable handwriting.

"I really want Where I Stood, These Days and Unraveling, but other than that, I am willing to negotiate," he finished, now holding seven fingers in the air. We all nodded in agreement, Unraveling was Johnny's song through and through, he had written the whole thing himself, and it was one of the most funky songs we had recorded, so that was no surprise. The two others were our first songs together, and there was no way we were giving out and album without those.

"So now there are...," Amanda had to think a little too long before she continued, and I had to hide a smile behind my waffle. Math wasn't Amanda's best friend ether. "Eight slots left," she finally concluded, sending everyone a death-glare that stopped Jack and Allen from laughing out loud.

"We got to have Seattle on it. I mean, come on, out name is Seattle Sunrise, we need to have a song about Seattle on our album," Jack argued. I groaned. Sure, I had written the song, but it was on a really bad day where I was kind of angry at everyone and everything. I didn't really like it, but after a quick argument where everyone sided agains me, I had to bow to the majority. Sometimes, democracy is a bitch.

"But then I want Hope for the Hopeless," I said, and Jack made a face at me. It wasn't that he didn't like the song, he just thought it was amazingly boring after playing it one time to many. But I loved it, and so did Amanda and Johnny, so I got my way. Oh yeah revenge is sweet.

"What about How I feel?" Christopher asked as he wrote, and I almost choked om my coffee. Seriously? We had written the song on a night very like the night we had made those silly ringtones. The song was about how it wasn't all fun to be famous. It was a good song that night, but three days later, when we had recorded it and sat down to listen to it, we all really hated it.

Christopher gave us a hopeful glance, but all hope left his face as he took in our disbelieving faces.

"Or not," he mumbled and crossed out something in his book.

After about an hour full of arguments, negotiations and some extortion, we had our track-list down:

Seattle

Unraveling

These Days

Blame It on Me

Darkness Rond the Sun

Shine

Wish You Were Here

The Music

Hope for the Hopeless

Steer

How Strong Do You Think I Am

Dark Blue

The Scientist

Where I Stood

Just The Beginning

"And now the grand finalé, the album name!" Allen exclaimed.

It felt like I had gone deaf, the silence was so absolute. I couldn't find one good name for the album. Everything that popped into my head was silly, childish or just plain dumb. We all looked down at our hands, thinking hard, but noone seemed to come up with something that was worth voicing.

Then, Jack opened his wonderful mouth.

"Six Months."

It was so simple, two ordinary words that was just perfect for us.

"It took us six months to get this done." Allen nodded

"Six months to get to know each other as well as we do now," Amanda said.

"Six moths to become Seattle Sunrise." Christopher was smiling, and I found myself doing the same. Johnny was right out grinning, leaning back in his chair.

"I have an idea for the cover," he said. Johnny was a man of many talents. Not only was he a musical genius, he was also a gifted photographer. Some people just had it all. As I started to dread a photo-shoot, he drew out his iPhone. Oh no. That phone had been with us everywhere, and I had the feeling that Johnny had taken more than a few pictures of people without their knowledge. After a few seconds he put the phone down on the table and slid it to the middle so everyone could have a look.

I leaned in closer, and my worst fears were confirmed. It was a black-and-white photo of me, sitting in front of the big calender we had pined up on a wall in inside the band-studio, since we spent most of our time in there. I was sitting cross-legged on the floor, writing with a black marker on the calender that was already filled up with deadlines for songs, recording times, when we were shooting things for Sally's Choice, etc. My other hand, the one that wasn't writing, was gripping the messy hair on top of my head in frustration, and I remembered that I had been tying to schedule a time for Reneé to come over, and I had been really frustrated because there just wasn't any. I was wearing a simple, white, sleeveless top, and Johnny had taken the picture at an angel, so we could see my left shoulder and part of my face, and the gigantic calender, and my guitar was leaning against the wall just to the right of me.

I looked up to protest, Christopher never gave me the chance.

"Johnny, that's just perfect! If you could just e-mail it to me, and then I'll send it all over to mr. N for approval." Oh great, so I wasn't getting a say in this?

"You guys.." I started, but they overheard me.

"I can do you one better, I'll just send it directly to mr. N," Johnny said and grabbed his phone. Wait, what? No no no, this couldn't be happening.

"Johnny..."

"Send him the track list also, will you?" Christopher interrupted me, and with inhuman speed, Johnny tapped his elegant fingers.

"Sent," he smiled, and I felt my face grow hot.

"But, shouldn't the cover of the album be of all of us or something?" I asked, but Christopher just shrugged as he but his notebook back in his pocket.

"Not really, you are kind of the face of the band, so having you on the cover isn't a bad thing at all." How could he be so sure that a picture taken with an iPhone would be the perfect coverart.

"But, I don't even have any make-up on, my clothes are a mess, not to mention my hair! I look like..."

Yet again, I was cut of by Christopher, who was now getting up from the table.

"You look exactly like you, Blondie, and that's the only version of you mr. N and I want to promote." He placed a hand hand on my shoulder, and looked down at me with a calm smile on his face. "The picture is real, just like your music." Then he turned his back on us and walked out into yet another cloudy day in Seattle. All I could do, was to stare at the man. How he sometimes knew just the right words to say, was beyond me.

A sound from Johnny's phone snapped me back to reality.

"It's mr. N," he said, and all eyes turned to the little black machine in his hand.

"And...?" Amanda said, leaning forward. Johnny looked up with a the widest grin I had ever seen on his face.

"We've just finished our first album people!"


	19. Chapter 19

AN: So, here is another update. Not bad hu? I hope to finish the next chapter soon, but I can't promise anything. Thank you so much for all your reviews, you are awesome! Alot of you have asked me what's gonna happen with Bella and here lovelife. All I can say is: wait and see ;)

Mucho gracias to my new Beta reader, Agamemnon Warhammer. You are awesome!

Song: There, There Katie by Jack's Mannequins.

_**Chapter 19: There, There Katie**_

Not really wanting to return to an empty apartment, I swung by the studio to get my guitar before walking to a park nearby. I wanted to play something, now that so much of my pain and sorrow had been taken away from me. I was going to meet Alice later; the album was done and life felt pretty good right now.

Choosing my spot, I sat down under a large tree, unpacked my guitar and tuned it before getting out my notebook too. Then I just sat there, letting my thoughts flow as I watched the other people in the park. Just plucking random strings at the guitar, messing around, I felt really content.

There was a little kid playing with his dog, a with terrier of some sort. He was laughing so hard as he was running after the dog, that he was almost tripping over small feet. The dog had a red ball in it's mouth, and it looked like the dog was having a good time too. It would let the little boy get really close, then spin off in another direction.

"That guitar has a nice sound to it, very round and full" a female voice spoke from behind me, shaking me out of my thoughts. The first thing I noticed, was the violin that the woman was holding in her hand. The other thing was that she had not a single strand of hair on her head. Her skin was paler than mine, and she looked so unbelievable beautiful with her round head, big blue eyes and pink lips, which were now curling into a small grin.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," she said and sat down next to me. "I just heard you play, and couldn't resist moving closer." She was really calm, but at the same time, she had an intensity to her that kind of reminded me of Alice. I wasn't sure if I liked her yet, but there was something with her that piqued my curiosity.

"No, that's ok," I said, extending my arm to her and trying to sound friendly. "I'm Bella."

"Katie," she answered, shaking my hand with a light grip.

"So you play the violin?" I asked, then immediately felt stupid. She was holding it in her hand, of course she was playing it. But in stead of laughing at my silliness, she looked down at the instrument and got a sad look on her face.

"Used to," she told me, carefully placing it on the ground between us. "I got cancer a year ago, and I haven't been able to play it for a really long time." Her statement shocked me to the core. Was this girl dying? I felt a great sadness well up in me at the thought.

Like she had heard my thoughts, she looked up at me and gave me a brave smile.

"Don't feel sorry for me, I'll beat this thing and go back to Juliard in no time," she told me, a stubborn glint in her eyes. "I'm going to be a concert violinist, just like my grandfather."

Katie surprised me with her bluntness and strength, and I decided I really liked here. If it had been me, I was sure I'd never been that brave. But looking at her and listening to her, I could not understand how she could not survive this. Even if her body was failing her, her heart was so strong, it would pull her through, I was sure of it.

"I don't doubt it," I told her, smiling at her. "In a couple of years, I'll be able to read about you in the news-papers, I'm sure." Katie was possibly beaming at me by now, and I saw that she could not be that much older than me. Poor girl.

We talked for a while, or Katie talked, I just listened. She had so much to tell, even if she was so young. Eventually, Katie's phone beeped, and she told me she had to go. She picked up her violin, and with a last glance and smile my way, she walked off into the world.

Sitting there, I suddenly knew exactly what I was going to write about, and a song quickly started to form in my head.

I was almost done when the inevitable happened, it started to rain.

"Shit," I swore as huge raindrops started to fall down on my notebook. I packed up as fast as I could, and ran all the way back to the studio. Impressed by the fact that I hadn't fallen on my ass once, I felt a bit smug as I stepped into the elevator.

And walked right into Alice.

"Ouch," I muttered as Alice's shoulder poked me painfully in my chest.

"Bella, are you ok?" Alice asked, more amused than really worried. "You should really watch where you're going you know." She winked at me, and I could see that her eyes were a much lighter shade of brown now that they had been this morning. I ignored her insult, and instead pushed the button to my floor.

"I thought you wouldn't come back until the evening," I told her, shifting the guitar so it leaned against the elevator walls. Alice shrugged. "It was a quick hunt," she said and gave me a little wink. "So anyway, I love the songs that are going on your album by the way. Six Months will be a big hit, I am sure of it!"

Wow, I had forgotten how it was to have a psychic among my closest friends. I just rolled my eyes.

"So how do you like my newest song then," I asked her sarcastically as we walked out of the elevator, and into my apartment. Alice got a distant look, then nodded to herself.

"I like it so far, but you haven't finished it yet, so I am not sure. But I can tell you that Katie will survive." I stared at Alice in utter disbelief. Then, a kind of joy one shouldn't be able to feel for a total stranger flowed through me.

"Really?" My voice was barely audible, and Alice nodded with a big smile on her face.

"Now you know, so get that guitar out and finish your song!" She took the guitar-case out of my hand, shepherded me over to the sofa and put it in my lap. I looked down at it incredulously, my mind frozen for a second. What was I supposed to do again? Then it all came to me, and I knew exactly how to finish my song. Alice slipped down in the comfortable chair right in front of me, and nodded encouragingly.

"Go on."

Turning on the recorder on my phone, I took my guitarpick out from it's holder, and started to sing:

_Katie you're a brave girl,  
and I know it's only just started.  
I'm gonna be there at six, with some flowers on sticks  
That were clipped just to make the weak strong.  
And Katie, it's a strange world  
when girls can get so broken-hearted  
If it were me and the universe, I'd get the worst of this gone._

_Katie, Katie I'm sorry that in your condition  
The sunshine's been missing but Katie,  
I don't believe that it isn't there.  
Oh and Katie, Katie be happy  
This world can be ugly, but isn't it beautiful?  
We're not really here, and we're really not there  
We're really not there._

_Katie you're a brave girl and courage is something we'll need now.  
'Cause it's been a hell of a day I've spent fading away  
We all fade sometimes, I believe  
And Katie its a strange world  
as I watch our tables get turned around  
And you've got the strength that I've lost  
Who'd have thought you'd be carrying me?_

_And Katie, Katie I'm sorry that in your condition  
The sunshine's been missing but Katie,  
I don't believe that it isn't there.  
Oh and Katie, Katie be happy  
This world can be ugly, but isn't it beautiful?  
We're not really here, and we're really not there_

_Whoa, whoa_

_And it's not the end of the world,  
It's not the end of the world,  
It's not the end of the world,  
'Cause the cops wouldn't break up this party._

_Oh Katie, Katie I'm sorry that in my condition  
Your sunshine's been missing but lately,  
I don't believe that it isn't there  
Oh Katie, Katie be happy  
This world can be ugly but isn't it beautiful?  
We're not really here, and we're really not there  
We're really not there,  
We're really not there._

_Katie, you're a brave girl,  
And I know its only just started. _

It was perfect. I could hear Johnny on the piano in my mind playing it, Allen on the drums and we'd have to have some strings on this song, it was a part of it inside my head. God, I wished I was better at playing the guitar, my fumbling fingers just didn't do the song justice. But it was done, and it was for Katie and me both. I had survived a battle, not nearly has hard as hers, but she would survive too.

A smile curved my lips as I looked up at Alice, her face mirroring my excitement.

"So do tell me, oh gifted one, is this the next hit song?" I asked her, but Alice just rolled her eyes.

"Oh Bella, I can't tell you everything, what's the fun in that?" She cocked her head to one side and fixed me with a stern gaze.

"You have really become an artist Bella," she told me, disbelieve coloring her voice. I couldn't bring myself to be insulted by it, I was just as amazed by that fact. "To think that you are the same shy, clumsy girl I met in Forks over a year ago..." At that, I had to laugh.

"Oh Alice, you didn't see that one coming, did you?" I asked her teasingly. "Maybe you're not as powerful as you think?" Alice got a mildly insulted look on her face, and scoffed at me. "Only you, Bella, could stray so far of your given path. I doubt anyone, no matter how powerful, could have foreseen this." Narrowing her eyes, she got up from the chair and sat down on the floor right in front of me.

"Bella, are you happy?" Her question caught me by a surprise, and left me dumbfound. Was I happy?

"I... I don't know Alice,I answered truthfully. Sighing, I lowered myself down on the floor to sit next to her. This isn't the life I wanted, you know that better than anyone else. You know what life I did want." I wanted to be with _Him_ forever, be with her family whom I loved like my own. I felt a familiar pain in my chest, but I was in control of it. Had I been stupid, to think that love at first sight could last forever? A logical part of me told me yes, how could you ever think that a beautiful, kind and godly, perfect vampire would love forever?

But somewhere deep, deep inside me, I knew that I had believed exactly that until the day he had told me he didn't love me anymore. Tears started to roll silently down my cheeks as I once again morned the loss of the life I had so foolishly thought was a possibility for me to live.

"Who knows Alice, I had my mind made up, I knew how my story was supposed to end, or in my case, not end. How do you go on when you suddenly find the road you're on isn't just blocked, but have no alternative rout ether?" Shaking my head, I looked outside the window at the downpour outside. "I'm living a dream that thousands of girls out there would kill for, and I really do love it. But I never was, and never will be one of _those_ girls. This was never my dream."

I was quiet for a while, contemplating. Sure, this was far from the life I had wanted, but was I unhappy? I had gotten to know all these amazing people, Amanda, Johnny, Jack, Allen, Christopher, mr. N, David, Caroline... They saw something in me, and they all loved me. They meant I had a talent and a gift, and more than that, they loved Bella. It was almost as incomprehensible and amazing as the fact that _He_ had once loved me for the simple girl I was, and they had helped me live again.

"I guess I am as happy as I'll ever be," I concluded silently. "I just wish..." What? Wished that _He_ could have loved me? But noone can force someone to love another person, so I'd just have to play the hand I'd been dealt.

"I just wish that it wouldn't hurt so much to remember," I whispered, leaning against Alice. "I will always love him. It doesn't matter that it's not mutual, I can't just turn my feelings off, you know... With him, I had the best time of my life. I know I'll never feel that way again, ever." It was so hard talking about it, and the whole was ripping at my chest, threatening to take over, but I was still in control. I had gotten better in these last six months.

"I just hope that one day, I can look back at the wonderful time we had together, and enjoy the memories, not just feel the pain of the loss."

We just sat there in silence, listening to the rain dripping on the windows and the faint sounds of the city. I was trying not to think at all, letting the rhythm of Alice's breath lull me into a state of no-feelings and stay there.


	20. Chapter 20

Hello everyone (if there is anyone still there).

I started writing this story a long time ago, and re-reading it now I can see a lot of room for improvement. So here is my master plan:

I will not delete this story NOW. I will not however upload any more chapters yet. YET my friends, YET. I will rewrite and finish the whole story on my computer, and when that is done, I will delete this story and then re-upload the new and finished story under the same name. I don't know how long this will take, so it is your choice if you want to stay tuned or not. I will be here in the end, I promise.

Happy new year everyone! Let's hope 2012 will be a better year than the last one. God knows 2011 was a bad year here in Norway...

Lots of love,

~B4E


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